


There's Beauty In the Broken

by righteousbros



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Amputee!Jensen, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jared, Bottoming from the Top, M/M, Masturbation, Permanent Injury, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 14:51:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2029164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/righteousbros/pseuds/righteousbros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared works for his family's garden center as a landscape designer in Los Olivos, CA.  He loves his job working alongside his sister Megan and his friend Stephen but at the end of the day he was no one to come home to other than his dog, Harley.  One day, a young woman named Mackenzie walks into his shop and hires him to revive the grounds of the estate she just bought nearby.  Jared then meets her brother Jensen, a reclusive former model and all around Hollywood bad boy who is now confined to a wheelchair and angry at the world after his losing his leg in a motorcycle accident.  After taking the time to get to know him a little better, Jared realizes that there is something about this beautiful damaged man that he just can't get enough of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original Art by Matchboximpala
> 
> Disclaimer: The medical details/descriptions in this story could very well be 100% inaccurate. I'm not a doctor. I write porny stories for no money. Just go with it :)

It was hotter than usual for early April. The sun was beating down on Jared’s back and his t-shirt stuck to his skin with a thin film of sweat. The boxwood topiaries that he was busy wrapping with burlap were scheduled for delivery later that day and he still had a few more to go before he’d let himself take a break. Since dawn that morning he’d been hauling bags of fertilizer, carting around flats of perennials, and fixing one of the many ornamental fountains that were scattered around the main building of the garden center. He had grit caked under his fingernails, traces of yellow pollen in his hair, and a smudge of potting soil on his right cheek. All in all, he couldn’t have been happier.

Jared’s family had owned Sweet Earth Nursery & Landscaping for going on three generations now. Their business was a local staple in the small town of Los Olivos, a picturesque weekend getaway destination for wine lovers tucked away amidst the rolling hills above Santa Barbara, California. Growing up in an area that was mostly vineyards and small farms, Jared’s father had a great appreciation for nature which he tried to instill in his all of his children. For Jared in particular, it ran even deeper than that. He was just as comfortable in the great outdoors as most people were in their own livingrooms. The vastness of the landscape wasn’t just a backdrop to him. The creekbeds and canyons of the Santa Ynez Valley were his playground. As a child, its gentle breezes had ruffled his hair lovingly and its tall wild grasses had tickled at his calves as he ran through them, arms outstretched to the sun like he was flying. His neighbor’s ponies were his playmates and his alarm clock was General Lee, the sleek grey tomcat who seemed to belong to no one but came by every morning without fail to scratch at the Padalecki kitchen door expecting to be fed.

Jared counted himself lucky that he got to work at Sweet Earth doing what he loved best, even if his sister Megan referred to his love of gardening as “playing in the dirt.” His father had taught him how to germinate seeds and dig irrigation trenches as soon as he was big enough to hold a trowel. He loved the process as much as the results.Tending for things and watching them grow into something beautiful and unexpected

His mother, his father, and sister were all in the business even though Megan preferred to work on the display floor with all the pretty clay pots, wind chimes, and gardening accessories than actually get her hands dirty. Jared didn’t understand it at all. She grew up in the same beautiful place as he had. Why would she want to be indoors when she could be enjoying the fresh air outside?

When he was finished wrapping up the boxwoods he headed inside the big rambling building of the garden center in search of his dad. Gerry was semi-retired now ever since Jared had started to take over the reins at Sweet Earth a few years ago but he still helped out in a big way. His arthritis kept him from doing anything too strenuous, even though he claimed that he was as fit as ever. Most days he sat behind a desk in his broom closet of an office where he handled the accounts and fielded calls from their landscaping clients. Gerry was well-known and well-loved in town so people often just called to shoot the shit with him for a while. Of course, he was always more than happy to oblige. Megan liked to tease that retirement had turned him into a gossipy old lady.

Jared wandered through the warehouse, past the gardening tools, fertilizer, and pest repellants and on into the main section of the building. An enormous greenhouse which housed their stock of indoor plants. It was warmer inside and densely filled with colorful and exotic-looking blooms, clustered together on every available surface and hanging in coconut fiber baskets from the ceiling. When Jared was little he used to pretend that he was Tarzan and that the greenhouse was his jungle. In reality, the only wild animal that ever prowled its narrow aisles was his mother’s fat orange tabby.

On the other side of the greenhouse was the sales floor with all of their various garden accessories and the main checkout area where his dad’s office was. Jared needed to have a talk with him about when their next order of mulch was coming in, they were already running a little lower than he’d like. A warm spring like the one they were having meant that their usual business would pick up fast with customers wanting to get a jump on planting for the new season. It would be all hands on deck for Sweet Earth and its employees until well into August.

As soon as Jared turned the next corner and stepped out onto the sales floor his thoughts were interrupted by the sight of his sister Megan. She was standing at her register chatting with a pretty blonde girl about her own age, maybe a year or two older. The girl was dressed in expensive designer jeans and slouchy t-shirt that was made to look vintage but probably cost well over a hundred dollars, obviously not a local.

He tried to slip past them unnoticed towards his dad’s office but at six feet four inches tall he tended to stick out despite his best intentions.

Megan must have caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye because she immediately started waving him over. “Jared!” she called out to him. “Hey, come here for a second.”

 _Awesome_ , Jared groaned inwardly. It wasn’t that he was trying to be aloof or unfriendly. He just wasn’t very good with the LA tourist types that sometimes found their way to Sweet Earth in between wine tastings and souvenir shopping. He was shit at small talk and the way they always looked at him made him feel self-conscious. He was a tad shy by nature, perpetually sweaty, and his clothes were invariably covered in dirt. He knew all that didn’t exactly add up to the greatest first impression but there wasn’t much he could do about it either. After all, he _worked_ in dirt. Moments like this were exactly why he preferred to let Megan handle the front end of the nursery.

He wiped his hands off on his jeans as best he could and begrudgingly walked over to greet their customer. He still had a lot of work to do and was hoping to get back to it as soon as possible. “Hey, I’m Jared,” he said, using his best customer service smile on his face. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Megan shot him her patented my-brother-is-a-moron look. He’d come to know it well over the years. “Jared, this is Mackenzie Ackles. You know… _Mackenzie Ackles_.”

Jared didn’t understand why Megan seemed to think that he should know who this girl was. The name sounded vaguely familiar but he was sure they’d never met before. “Um, sorry?” he shrugged.

“No worries,” Mackenzie said with a laugh. “I usually never get recognized nowadays.”

Megan rolled her eyes at him. “She was on Kidrobix!” She sighed exasperatedly at Jared when it was clear that it still wasn’t getting through to him. “I can’t believe you don’t remember. I used to watch it all the time.”

Then it finally clicked. Jared remembered Megan hogging the TV every Saturday morning so she could watch the show. It was a kids program with a bunch of puppets and a troupe of apple-cheeked seven year olds dancing and singing about how much fun it was to exercise. He had hated it with a passion. “Yeah, I remember now,” he said. “You used to do their little dance routines in the living room with Lindsay Robinson and force us all to be your audience.”

Megan elbowed him smartly in the ribs. “I did not!” She blushed, turning back to Mackenzie. “Just ignore my brother. He seems to think it’s his job in life to embarrass me.”

“It’s not a job if you enjoy your work,” Jared joked.

“It’s okay,” Mackenzie told her. “I’m the one who gets to be remembered forever as the little girl who used to wear neon pink legwarmers and dance around with creepy Muppet-wannabes. I’ve just about cornered the market on embarrassing childhood stories.”

Jared instantly decided he liked this Ackles girl after all. “So Mackenzie, are you just in town for the day or maybe a long weekend?”

“Actually, we live here now.”

“Her and her brother just moved into Mrs. DeLongpre’s old house,” Megan informed him. “You’ve been there before haven’t you? Out on Foxen Canyon Road?”

 _The DeLongpre estate,_ Jared marveled to himself. “Uh, yeah I know it.”

He knew exactly what property she was talking about. He’d been dreaming of getting his hands on it for so long that it had kinda become his white whale. Situated on the crest of a small hill and set far back from the main road, the grounds of the DeLongpre house were wildly overgrown with neglect but they were also some of the most fertile acres of land he’d ever come across. With the right care, he knew it could be the prettiest piece of property in the valley. The problem was that Mrs. DeLongpre was too old to maintain it and too paranoid about her privacy to hire anyone to fix it up. Jared hadn’t been up there to see it in at least three years. The old woman had eventually resorted to hanging up on him whenever he tried to call and offer his services. After the fifth time he’d been rejected by her, Jared decided that the healthy thing to do was to admit defeat and move on. Maybe now his chance at it had finally come around.

“Well if you know it then you know how much I need your help,” Mackenzie told him. “I swear it’s like we ended up buying the West Coast version of Grey Gardens. Mr. DeLongpre was an old friend of my grandmother. Our families are close, so when the DeLongpre’s decided that it was time to move his widow into a retirement community they offered to sell it to us.” She leaned in a little closer and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I don’t think anyone knew how much of a recluse Mrs. DeLongpre had really become before she moved out. The house was practically falling apart. There was this mountain of moldy old newspapers she’d been hoarding in there and at least _fifty_ cats.”

“Wow,” Megan said in awe. “I had no idea.”

“It was truly gross,” Mackenzie confessed. “We had to call animal control to get all the cats out safely and re-homed. It’s been about six months worth of refurbishing and redecorating just to get the place livable. Now all the workmen are gone and we’re finally moved in but the yard is still a disaster area.” She shot Jared a pleading look. “Megan says that you guys do landscaping?”

“Absolutely. We can take care of whatever you need done,” Jared assured her. His mundane concerns about mulch were immediately forgotten. He’d make whatever time he could even if he had to work weekends. He was not going to let this job slip out of his fingers. “Megan can give you our information. Whenever you’re ready just give us a call and I’ll come out and do an assessment. Then you, and your brother, and I can discuss what you’d like the end result to look like.”

“Well it will just be me,” Her upbeat demeanor took on a sudden twinge of melancholy. “I don’t want to bother my brother with it. He won’t care either way so I might as well make the decisions on my own.”

“Oh, alright.” Jared didn’t really know how to respond to that. He had no idea what had taken the light of out Mackenzie’s eyes so quickly. They’d only just met so it wasn’t really his place to ask.

“Of course,” Megan jumped in, her expression and her tone of voice now full of sympathy. “Don’t worry about a thing. All kidding aside, Jared is awesome with this stuff. He can help you figure out what you want and he’ll make it look great. Won’t you, Jared?”

“Uh, yeah. Yes,” Jared replied. “No problem.” He didn’t know what had triggered the sudden mood change but he had a feeling he was missing out on something important.

“Thank you so much.” Mackenzie smiled again and it was like a cloud had been lifted. “I really appreciate it. I’ll call you tomorrow so we can get started.”

“Sounds good.”

They said their goodbyes and as soon as Mackenzie was out the front door Megan whirled around and let out a little shriek of excitement. “Oh my god, I can’t believe that just happened! Mackenzie Ackles!”

“She seemed nice,” Jared admitted. He was amused at how worked up his sister was over her brush with celebrity. Thankfully, Mackenzie seemed like a totally normal girl. A hell of a lot more normal than he would have expected from a former child star, anyway.

“She’s awesome!” Megan gushed. “I just love her style and she does all kinds of charity work to raise money for Operation Smile and UNICEF. And now that she’s going to be living here she said that she’ll be transferring to UC – Santa Barbara in the fall. We could be in some of the same classes!”

“That’s great, Megs,” He was happy for his sister that she’d seemed to have hit it off with someone she admired so much. But there was something about the encounter that he was still left wondering about. “Hey, what do you think that thing with her brother was all about?” Jared asked. “Do they not get along or something?”

Megan planted her hands on her hips and scoffed at him in disbelief. “You seriously need to get out more. How do you not know about her brother? _Jensen Ackles_? He was all over the news a couple of years ago. Huge motorcycle accident in the hills above West Hollywood on New Year’s Eve.”

Jared searched his mind and recalled something about the son of some big shot Hollywood producer crashing his bike and sending it over the side of a cliff. It was a pretty bad wreck. Most people didn’t think he would survive but by some miracle the guy ended up pulling through. After that, Jared had lost track of the story. “What happened after the accident?”

“It was terrible,” Megan said, shaking her head. “The doctors had to amputate his leg. No one has really seen him since. He just kind of went completely off the radar.”

“Shit.” Jared couldn’t even imagine what it must be like to go through something like that.

“I know, right? According to Mackenzie’s Twitter she’s been staying with him and helping with his recovery. I don’t know about the rest of their family,” Megan added. “It doesn’t sound like they’re in the picture very much.”

Immediately, he began to sympathize with Mackenzie’s brother. Jared was a physical guy and his livelihood depended on him being able to do a certain amount of manual labor. He liked the slight burn in his muscles at the end of a long day. It’s how he knew he’d put in his best effort. Made him feel really alive. Having to watch his dad learn to deal with the limitations of his arthritis, Jared knew that losing even the small pleasures that people often took for granted could be a hard adjustment to have to make. Ackles would never walk on his own two feet again. It had to be devastating.

“I’ve got to work out the schedule with Dad,” he said, thinking aloud. “And I’ll probably have to shift some stuff over to Stephen and the rest of the guys to handle. I want to take this one on myself. I’ve been waiting for this baby for a long time.” Jared was grinning, already starting to figure out the logistics of it in his head. At first he’d been attracted to the project just because it was the DeLongpre estate. Hearing about the Ackles’ troubles made him want to take the job that much more. “It sounds like those two could use a good turn after everything they’ve been through. I want to make sure that they get something nice to come home to everyday. Something really special.”

Megan beamed up at him and gave his shoulder a playful shove. “Aw, Jarebear! You know, every once in a while you can actually be decent human being.”

Jared cringed at bit at the childhood nickname. She knew he hated it which is why she still used it on him every so often just to be a pest. He grumbled under his breath about pain-in-the-ass little sisters and got out of her way before she could find anything else to add to his workload. Usually whenever he made the mistake of stopping by the sales floor she ended up roping him into reaching something up high for her or carrying something heavy like he was her own personal pack mule. Somehow this time with the Ackles job she had managed to give him a project he actually wanted to do. He wasn’t about to press his luck.

It was going to be a lot of extra hours and a lot of back-breaking work to get the old Delongpre property to match the picture of it he had in his head but Jared was never one to back down from a challenge. He couldn’t wait to get started.

The lane leading up to the Delongpre house – now the Ackles house - was shrouded by a dense canopy of willow trees that lined it on either side. Their long leafy tendrils dragged over the hood of Jared’s old pickup as he drove slowly under their shade. He couldn’t help but scan his eyes quickly over the view of the grounds as they flew past his window, making a few quick addendums to the to-do list in his head about what he wanted to cut back and what he wanted to nurture. He was on his way to have his first real meeting with Mackenzie about the landscaping job and even though he had plenty of ideas already he liked to make some things up on the fly depending on how the space felt to him when he was actually roaming around it. It was those extra special qualities that made each job unique to him; the way the sunlight angled itself through the leaves, the slope of the terrain, and the play of the breeze. All of those variables and more combined to create some intangible presence, like the land had a personality and a voice of its own that only Jared could hear. It was his job to tame it and make it work with the energy of the people who lived there.

As he pulled up in front of the house and set his truck in park, Jared noted all the changes the Ackles’s had already made. The grand mission-style home had brand new terracotta tiles on the roof and the cream-colored stucco walls looked like they’d gotten a good power-washing since the last time he’d been there. The broken shutters had been repaired and Jared was happy to see most of the windows were flung open to let in the fresh air. He also noticed that there was a new concrete walk from the edge of the big circular driveway leading up to the front steps of the house where a ramp had been added off to one side. Adaptations that were no doubt made to fit the needs of Mackenzie’s reclusive brother.

The front door swung open and Mackenzie came out to welcome him. She was practically skipping down the steps towards him with a brilliant smile on her face. “Jared! Hi! You’re early!”

Jared climbed out of his truck and adjusted the beaten-up baseball cap on his head, immediately self-conscious in front of his newest client who looked like she’d walked right out of a Ralph Lauren ad. “Um, hey. Hi. Nice to see you again. This place is looking really great.”

“Oh you’re sweet for saying that but believe me, it’s still a complete mess on the inside,” Mackenzie said with a little dismissive wave of her hand. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s leaps and bounds better than it was when we first got here. I mean really, you should have seen it.” She gave her shoulders an exaggerated shudder. “But I think it’s finally starting to come along. Now,” she said, clapping her hands together excitedly. “The biggest problem we have left to tackle is the landscaping. Especially the backyard. It’s a nightmare! That’s where you come in.”

“I’m at your disposal,” Jared replied, a bit more at ease now in the face of Mackenzie’s infectious enthusiasm.

“Awesome! That’s just what I hoped you say. Let’s get started then.”

They took a leisurely walk around the property together, Jared explaining which plants and shrubs he thought would work best and Mackenzie putting in her two cents about adding plenty of color and variety. Jared like the fact that she didn’t seem to want too much order. Rigidly defined borders or perfect rows would make the gardens look overly formal. She seemed to like texture and contrast as well as some of the more creative touches Jared suggested such as Spanish tile stepping stones to match the look of the house. She was surprisingly easy to talk to and Jared found himself genuinely enjoying her company.

They were in the backyard talking about the possibility of adding a small pond with a waterfall when the otherwise successful consultation suddenly came to a grinding halt.

“Kazie!” a man’s came booming from somewhere inside the house. “Where the fuck are you?”

Mackenzie blushed in embarrassment. “Sorry, Jared. Can you hold on just one sec? I have to, um…” She backed away towards the house and flinched slightly at a muffled crashing noise from within.

Concern had Jared following close behind her. He was about to ask if everything was alright when the French doors of the back patio were violently flung open. A guy only a couple of years older than himself rolled out onto the patio in a wheelchair. He looked as surprised to see Jared as Jared was to see him. The man shared Mackenzie’s fair coloring and might have been very handsome if not for the scowl on his face and dark circles under his eyes. The left leg of the sweatpants he was wearing was tied up in a knot just a few inches shy of where his knee should have been. Everything below that point was gone.

“Jensen! Is everything okay?” Mackenzie hurried over to him, her eyes darting nervously between the two men.

“I’ve been calling you for the past ten minutes,” Jensen replied stiffly. He was pointedly ignoring Jared’s presence.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I was just taking a little walk with Jared here. Jared, this is my brother Jensen. Jensen, this is-“

“Whatever,” Jensen interrupted impatiently. “Just let me know next time before you bring your friends around here. Not much point in moving us out to the middle of fucking nowhere for some privacy if you invite the whole valley over, is there?” His eyes narrowed, taking on a mean glint. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see you’ve finally decided to get a life but I’m really not interested in playing host to your fuck buddy.”

Mackenzie let out a little gasp and turned an even deeper shade of pink, which Jared hadn’t thought was possible. “Jensen, please. It’s not like that at all.”

“Oh come on. Don’t be such a prude. We’re all adults here.” Jensen’s gaze shifted from his sister over to Jared, blatantly giving him a once-over from head to toe like he was a show horse at the county fair. “I gotta give you credit. Your man _Thor_ here looks a little rough around the edges but he’s a hell of lot prettier than the last one I met.”

Jared saw red. He was having none of this. Mackenzie was a sweet girl and she didn’t deserve to be embarrassed like that. Even if the guy was her brother, he was being a dick and someone needed to call him out on it. “What your sister was about to say before you cut her off was that I’m Jared Padalecki from Sweet Earth Landscape Design and Garden Center. She asked me here today to talk about the work she’s hiring me to do for you guys. That’s all.” He narrowly contained himself from shoving his finger right in Jensen’s face. “And not that it’s any of your business, but I’m _gay_.”

Mackenzie looked shocked by his announcement. Jensen’s eyebrows flew up in surprise as well but he was much faster to recover. “Of course you are,” he said with a bitter laugh. “Well that’s just great. Fucking perfect.” Then without further comment he reversed his wheelchair and withdrew into the dark of the house, leaving Jared and Mackenzie alone on the patio.

A heavy silence filled the hole Jensen had just blown in their upbeat mood. Jared was certain that he’d just managed to get himself fired before he’d even really started. That’s what he got for opening his big stupid mouth.

Then Mackenzie turned to him, her arms hugged tightly around herself and her eyes downcast in shame. “I’d like to apologize for my brother. He doesn’t mean most of what he says when he gets like this. He really is a wonderful person. It’s just that with the accident and everything that came after…it’s been terribly hard on him.” She glanced up at Jared, looking like she was close to tears. “Anyway, I totally understand if you don’t want to take the job.”  
  
Maybe he should have decided right then and there to leave and just forget the whole thing.  Just because he worked with his hands for a living didn't mean that he had to take shit from the likes of Jensen Ackles.  If it were any other job he might have just left.  But there was something about this particular stretch of land that spoke to him.  Always had.  Now after having spent a good hour dreaming up plans for it with Mackenzie, Jared wasn't about to let this project slip through his fingers just because her brother was a bitter asshole.  Besides, Jared hated the idea of letting anyone down, especially this sad young girl who was so obviously in need of a friend.

"Don't worry about it," he told her.  "I don't give up that easy.  I'll be here bright and early tomorrow morning with the crew."

"Really?" Mackenzie exclaimed, looking up at him like he was some kind of knight in shining armor.  "That's wonderful!  Thanks so much.  I promise I'll tell Jensen to be on his best behavior from now on."  
  
Jared thought that might be about as much good as telling a dog not to lick his own balls but he decided to keep that to himself.  When he got back in his pickup truck and drove away, he looked in his rearview mirror and saw Mackenzie waving goodbye.  He returned the gesture, and when he did he could have sworn that he saw the curtains of one of the first floor windows move - as if someone was hurriedly drawing them shut.  
  
 _So that was the infamous Jensen, huh?_ , Jared thought to himself.  _What an asshole.  But I'll be damned if I'm going to let him get me down._

__


	2. Chapter 2

 

The next morning when the caravan of trucks from Sweet Earth arrived at the Ackles house, Jared found Mackenzie waiting for them in the driveway dressed in brand new overalls and her hair braided into pigtails. She bounded up to Jared's truck as soon as he put it in park, grinning from ear to ear like it was Christmas morning. "Good Morning!" she said excitedly.  
  
Harley, Jared's monster of a mastiff chose that moment to pop up from where he'd been laying in the bed of the truck. He let out a short friendly bark in greeting and Jared winced, hoping that the sight of the big mutt wouldn't scare her off.  
  
Mackenzie barely batted an eyelash. "Oh wow, he's huge! I didn't know you had a dog." Exhibiting no fear whatsoever she went right up to Harley and proceeded to scratch behind his ears. "Aren't you a handsome boy? Yes, you are."  
  
Harley's tail thumped against the back window of the truck's cab happily.  
  
Jared climbed out of his truck and leaned against it, proudly watching Harley make a new friend. "I hope you don't mind that I brought him along. He usually hangs out in my dad’s office when I’m out on a job but I had a feeling you two might hit it off."  
  
"Oh no, I love him," Mackenzie crooned, letting Harley slobber up her hand. "It would be mean to keep him cooped up indoors on such a beautiful day." She wiped her hands off on her pants and turned to Jared. "Well, I'm ready to get started whenever you are."  
  
Jared was more than a little confused. "Mackenzie, you know you don't have to do anything, right? You hired us to do it all."  
  
"I know. But I can't just sit around and watch you guys work when I could be helping. Besides, I could use the exercise."  
  
Jared was about to point out the fact that the job ahead of them would require a lot more heavy lifting than your average aerobic class when he caught sight of Stephen walking toward them. Jared's dad had hired him a little over eight years ago to head up the landscaping crew while Jared was in college. Stephen had moved there from Vancouver looking to get into the winemaking business just like most folks who found their way to the valley. Unfortunately his plans hadn't accounted for the recession that hit just a few months later. He'd become a fixture at Sweet Earth ever since and when Jared moved back home for good they'd become fast friends.  
  
"Stephen,” he called out to him. "This is Mackenzie. She's the nice lady who’s keeping us employed for the next couple of weeks."  
  
Stephen offered her a warm smile when Mackenzie spun around to greet him. "Hi, nice to meet you," he said, offering her his hand to shake. "Jared mentioned that you're an actress."  
  
Mackenzie blinked a few times, blatantly staring at him before her brain seemed to come back online. She looked a little flustered by the calm blue eyes looking back at her. "Was an actress...well actually I've been thinking about getting back into it lately. You know, if the right part came along." She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and glanced up at him through the fringe of her eyelashes. "And if the director likes me for it, of course."  
  
"I wouldn’t worry about,” Stephen replied, matter-of-factly. “You seem very likeable to me.”  
  
Mackenzie blushed prettily and giggled. "Um, thanks. That's sweet of you to say."  
  
Stephen shrugged. “Just being honest.”  
  
Jared rolled his eyes. Stephen was a smart guy but when it came to reading people he was surprisingly thick. Mackenzie could have had actual little cartoon hearts in her eyes and he still wouldn’t have picked up on the fact that she was into him. Jared had seen it happen too many times with other girls who had fallen for his friend’s rugged good looks not to recognize the signs.  
  
“So Stephen, does everyone call you that?” Mackenzie asked. “Never Steve, or you know, some other nickname? Something that your friends call you…or maybe your girlfriend?”  
  
“No not really.“  
  
There was a few beats of dead air that passed between them while Mackenzie seemed to be waiting for him to pick up the hint she was trying to toss his way. Stephen just smiled at her, looking slightly confused and completely oblivious.  
  
Jared finally broke the silence, knowing full well that they could be standing around forever waiting for his buddy to catch a clue. “Okay,” he announced. “Time to get down to business. Stephen, let’s get the guys together and figure out who's doing what. Mackenzie has been nice enough to offer us a hand. How about you get her set up with a pair of workgloves and let her shadow you for a while?”  
  
"No problem.” Stephen gave Mackenzie a conspiratorial wink. "Stick with me. I'm a lot more fun than he is."  
  
Mackenzie giggled again as he led her towards one of the other Sweet Earth trucks that was loaded with their gear. Jared shook his head and opened the tailgate of his truck to let Harley hop out. "Come on, boy," he said. "Looks like it’s just you and me.”

The landscaping crew spent the majority of the day trying to bring the wildly overgrown yard down to a blank canvas. Dead branches, brambly bushes, and weeds beyond counting were ripped out until both the front and back yards were down to the bare bones. Only the rows of willow trees that flanked the main drive were left standing.  
  
Jensen watched their progress through the glass panes of the patio doors in his den. He hated most things about the house. It was old and drafty and miles away from anything familiar. The one thing he did like was that with way it was laid out he basically had his own private wing. He didn’t need to see anyone or talk to anyone if he didn’t want to which suited him just fine. Now all of a sudden there were strangers stomping around everywhere like shovel-wielding invaders, ripping up his property and rearranging everything. He could see Mackenzie out there working right alongside of one them, smiling and laughing at whatever the muscle-bound moron was saying like he was the most charming man alive. Envy and guilt combined to burn like acid in Jensen’s stomach. She never behaved like that around him anymore, more happy and carefree than he’d seen her in a long time. If he was being honest with himself he knew full well that he was responsible for that. Jensen couldn’t remember the last time that he’d felt like laughing.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud bark and two enormous paws landed with a thud against the glass just inches away from Jensen’s face, giving him a start. A huge dog had propped himself up on his hind legs right in front of the door and was wagging his tail enthusiastically. Jensen could have sworn that the thing was actually smiling at him.  
  
“Shit! Harley, no! Down boy!” someone shouted.  
  
The giant dog, Harley, dropped down to all fours and slunk away like he knew he was in trouble. Then Harley’s owner came into view, a giant in his own right with thick chestnut colored hair that he wore long, the ends of it curling just past his earlobes. Jensen recognized him as Jared, the landscaper guy his sister had introduced him to. He looked a little more harried than he had the day before, sweaty and covered in dirt but still annoyingly sexy. It was just Jensen’s luck that Kazie had hired a guy who looked like that and was gay to boot. He was a great big temptation, tailor-made by Karma to remind Jensen of a part of his life he’d never have again.  
  
“Hey, sorry man,” Jared said, peering through the glass with an apologetic look on his face. “He’s got a mind of his own today. Didn’t mean to scare you. He’s big but he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, I swear.”  
  
Jensen bristled, insulted at the insinuation that he was afraid. He thrust his wheelchair forward with enough force to shove the patio doors open with a bang. Jared backed up a few steps in surprise, much to Jensen’s satisfaction. “I don’t have a problem with dogs,” he snapped. “I have a problem with irresponsible owners.”  
  
Jared’s eyes – blue? green? Jensen couldn’t pin down their color exactly – seemed to harden in response and his mouth set itself into a tight line. “I’ll make him stay in the back of my truck if it bothers you so much.”  
  
Even though she was well out of earshot, Jensen could practically hear Mackenzie’s voice inside his head from earlier that morning when she had pestered him about making an effort and made him promise to at least try and be nice. It was for her sake alone that he swallowed back the snide comment that was on the tip of his tongue and begrudgingly tried to start over.  
  
“No,” he said. “It’s fine. You can let him run around if he wants to as long as he stays outside.” He cleared his throat, mentally bracing himself for what was probably the first real conversation he’d attempted with anyone other than his sister in months. “We’ve got all this land up here pretty much just going to waste. I can’t. Ah. It’s not any use to me. Obviously. But Mackenzie likes it for some reason. She’s getting a real kick out of seeing it cleaned up and you know, made useful again. I guess.”  
  
He wanted to cringe at how awkward he sounded, how uncomfortable he was opening up even that little bit to someone else, especially this disarmingly handsome guy who so far he’d only ever been rude to. He fully expected the other man to give him the cold shoulder.  
  
His anxiety proved unfounded however when Jared’s expression visibly softened a bit. “Yeah, Mackenzie’s great. Reminds me a lot of my little sister actually.” A small wistful smile appeared on his face. “There’s a lot of potential here, you know. This property. I plan on making it something great.”  
  
“Good,” Jensen nodded. “She deserves that.” Lord knows with everything she’d sacrificed in order to play nursemaid to her crippled brother she deserved that much and a whole lot more than he could ever repay her.  
  
Jared’s brow furrowed. Not pity exactly – Jensen was all too familiar with that look. This was something closer to genuine concern which was just as unnerving. “But what about you?”  
  
The simple question hit too close to home. So much so that Jensen reacted by trying to play it off, tapping his palm lightly against the side of his wheelchair. “This thing’s not exactly designed for off-roading. I’m better off on hardwood floors.”  
  
Jared didn’t seem satisfied with that. “Oh,” he said. “Well, we’re laying some nice flat paths later this week. I will make sure that they meet with ADA specifications so they’re wide enough for your chair. There’s no reason that you shouldn’t be able to enjoy your own backyard if you want to.” He bit the inside of his cheek with a slight frown. “I don’t mean to pry but…well, it seems like they’ve come a long ways with prosthetics nowadays. You ever use one?”  
  
It was a step too far. For Jensen it was a sensitive subject and a constant source of contention between him and his family. His immediate impulse was to want to shutdown inside.  
  
As soon as the last surgery was finally over and what remained of his body had started to heal, the doctors had started pressing him about getting fitted for a prosthetic. They told him how lucky he was to be alive and that with the right device he would be able to walk again, albeit with a limp. They sent him through a barrage of physical therapists, prosthetic specialists, and orthopedic specialists who all cheerfully insisted that his recovery hinged on his ability to adapt to his condition. To regain some sense of normalcy and life-purpose. Then, when he ripped out his IV and told them all to go fuck themselves, they threw words at him like _body image disorder_ and _depression_.  
  
He couldn’t find the words to explain what he was going through at the time and the frustration of that would build and build until it erupted into rage. He lashed out at anyone who tried to help him and simply shut himself off from the world. His parents, predictably self-involved as always, gave up trying to pull him out of his shell after a few weeks. His mother had a play opening that spring in New York that she was preparing for and his father was in the middle of pre-production on another one of his trademark big-budget action flicks. Neither one of them was able to adjust their schedules to accommodate their son’s stubbornly disappointing recovery. Mackenzie was the only one who had stuck by him, even when his moods made him unbearable to be around. But even she couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to use the expensive prosthetic leg that had been specifically designed for him.  
  
Jensen stared down at his lap, fighting for something to say. Some explanation which might sound logical outside of his own head. Even now, months later, he was still too ashamed to admit his feelings about it out loud. Especially to a guy with a body like Jared’s. How would he ever be able to understand?  
  
As the heavy silence between them dragged long, Jared’s expression began to reveal his discomfort. “Look, I’m sorry if I offended you or something. If I did I didn’t mean to,” he said, obviously trying to backpedal. He shoved his hands in his pockets looking dejected. “I should probably get back to work anyway.”  
  
“No, don’t.” Jensen didn’t want to let the fragile thread of connection between them go just yet. It had been so long since he’d spoken to anyone outside his own family who wasn’t a doctor or a therapist. Even longer since he’d had a friend. “You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s just. It’s complicated.”  
  
“Oh. Okay.” Jared looked uncomfortable, like he was still confused and not quite sure of what to say.  
  
Despite the awkwardness he felt, Jensen continued, anxious to clear the air. “Look, I guess I owe you an apology for yesterday. You kinda caught me off guard. We don’t get a lot of visitors and I wasn’t expecting to see anyone around. Anyway, I was a real dick. Honestly, I don’t know why you’re even talking to me right now.”  
  
Jared shrugged his shoulders, a lopsided smile dimpling his cheeks. “Yeah, you were a dick,” he agreed. “But I figure everyone deserves a second chance.”  
  
Something tightened in Jensen’s chest that he was too scared to acknowledge. He cleared his throat, squashing it as quickly as it appeared. “I-I ah. Thanks. Thank you.”  
  
“No problem.”  
  
Jensen let out a quiet breath and felt some of his anxiety slip away with it. He used to be good at this. Talking to people. Jared was making it fairly easy for him so far. Maybe he could get good at it again.  
  
“You said you had a sister, right?” Jensen began. “What’s her name?”

When they wrapped for the day, Jared felt like the job had finally gotten off to a good start. Looking around, he could see that Stephen and the other guys had gotten a lot done. The dead and dying old growth was gone, the land was cleared, and they’d already started marking off the planned pathways and garden beds. It was decent progress for their first day. They’d need to bring in a subcontractor to lay the concrete walkways but Jared had already put a call in to an outfit that Sweet Earth had been using for years and they were ready to go. He was jotting down a note to himself on his smartphone to forward the new ADA compliant dimensions to them when he felt a workglove hit the back of his head. He turned around to find the culprit who’d thrown it and saw Stephen and Mackenzie standing behind him with twin mischievous grins on their faces.  
  
“Seriously?” he said to Stephen. “What are you twelve?”  
  
“Twenty-nine, but who’s counting? Where have you been? Mack and I were looking for you when we broke for lunch and but we didn’t see you around anywhere.”  
  
 _Mack and I, huh?_ Jared had to suppress a smile at that. It seemed that maybe his friend had taken a shine to Mackenzie after all. Maybe there was hope for him yet.  
  
“I didn’t really take a lunch,” he said with a shrug. “I got caught up talking to Jensen for a while and then I pretty much stayed in the backyard yanking out all that rotten ivy. Man, I hate that stuff. Stubborn as hell and chokes out everything around it.”  
  
“Hold on. You spoke to Jensen? _My_ Jensen?” Mackenzie asked looking shocked. “Really?”  
  
“Um, yeah. He asked about Megan and then we got to talking about my family and the garden center. You know, no big deal.” Jared noticed her starting to tear up and got nervous that he’d done something wrong. “I hope that’s okay.”  
  
“Okay? Oh, Jared you have no idea!” Mackenzie threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. “It’s amazing! You’re amazing!” She planted a kiss on his cheek and then turned around and launched herself at a bewildered Stephen to give him the same treatment. “I’m so happy! I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.” She released him and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’ve got to go see Jensen. Thank you,” she told Jared. “Thank you so much.”  
  
The two of them watched her dash towards the house in stunned silence. Stephen was the first to say what they were both thinking out loud. “What the hell was that about?”  
  
Jared shrugged. “I have no idea.”  
  
That wasn’t strictly true. He understood without having to be told that his interaction with Jensen wasn’t something that happened often for the guy. It was a little awkward at first, a little forced, but by the end of the day Jensen’s attitude had been 180 degrees from what it had been that first day and Jared’s opinion of him had made a similar turn for the better. Apparently, he’d made even more progress that day than he’d realized.

Jared went home to his apartment that night, fed Harley, and hopped into the shower to wash off the dirt and the grime. His lower back ached a bit from being stooped over for so long while he hacked away at the Ackles’ ivy. Experience told him he’d probably feel it in his arms tomorrow too. He began to lather up with a bar of his mom’s homemade rosemary mint soap and let out a long sigh. What he needed was a nice relaxing evening in front of the TV with a beer in his hand and Harley snoring at his feet. Some people might find it boring but to Jared it sounded like heaven. The problem was that in those quiet hours when the work had ended for the day it was becoming painfully clear to him that he had no one special to pass the time with.  
  
Megan told him all the time that he needed to get out more. She’d tried setting him up on a few blind dates, each one of them a disaster. The last one had been a teaching assistant she knew from school who had gotten way too drunk and for some reason thought it was cool to talk in a succession of hashtags.  Even aside from his irritating personality, the guy was just not Jared's type at all.  Too young and much too effeminate.  Jared had poured him into a cab, given the driver a double-sized tip to make sure he made it home alright, and then immediately deleted the kid’s number. #firstdatefail.  
  
Choosing to both live and work in the relatively small close-knit community of his hometown meant that Jared had plenty of friends, many of which he’d known all his life. It also made meeting anyone new pretty damn hard. Close to impossible, in fact. He could count the number of other gay men within a twenty mile radius on his fingers, most of which he’d already dated at some point, and none of which were relationships that he really cared to revisit. Santa Barbara’s gay scene provided some relief when he was really hard up but he just wasn’t one for the whole dance club thing. He knew better than to think that he’d ever meet someone he could have a real conversation with at a place called The Wildcat Lounge. So maybe he was a little lonely sometimes. All in all, he didn’t have much to complain about. A lot of other people had it a lot worse.  
  
With that thought, his mind wandered back to Jensen. Definitely a complicated guy. Jared had prepared himself for another tense confrontation with him when Harley had run up onto the patio. Then Jensen had surprised him by actually acting like a human being. He was nervous and kind of adorably awkward at trying to strike up a conversation, like he was out of practice but still trying really hard to be sociable. It made Jared realize that under his gruff exterior there was something painfully vulnerable there. He couldn’t help but be drawn in by it.  
  
Jared worked a dollop of shampoo through his hair thinking about a few other things that he’d realized in talking to Jensen. Like the fact that when the other man wasn’t being a complete tool he was actually really handsome. _Hot_ even. Jared had no experience being attracted to anyone who had a physical disability before. He had no idea what Jensen’s stump might look like up close and personal but he had to imagine that it wouldn’t exactly be the most appealing thing. For some reason though, the idea of that didn’t really phase him. There was much more to Jensen than just that one part of him and from what Jared had seen so far the rest of him looked pretty damn amazing.  
  
Before they’d met one another face to face, Megan had told him that Jensen had modeled at one point and now he could believe it. It was a little hard to tell what the man’s body was like under the simple black t-shirt and baggy sweatpants he had worn but his upper body at least seemed muscular and well-toned. It was his face that really gave it away. Jensen had the kind of face that Jared had only ever seen on billboards. Perfectly chiseled features dusted with a fine layer of freckles, startlingly green eyes, and plush sensual lips. A few times Jared had to remember to look away because he couldn’t stop staring at those lips.  
  
He let the warm water of the shower cascade over him, frothy bubbles slip-sliding down his body as he rinsed clean. His cock started to stir, aroused by the sensation of the water and by the memory of Jensen’s smile when Jared had managed to get one out of him. It was a little hesitant at first, a little self-conscious, but somehow that made it all the more beautiful when it finally shone through. It made Jared want to make him smile like that all the time. He stroked his cock thinking about kissing his way down from the corners of that sweet smile. Taking Jensen’s mouth how it was clearly made to be, hot and hungry. He imagined feeding his cock through those gorgeous lips, gripping Jensen’s short, spiky hair for purchase as Jensen sucked him down.  
  
Jared came against the shower tiles, the rush of his orgasm hitting him surprisingly fast. He braced himself against the wall, forehead pressed into his forearm as he stroked himself through it. When the rush had subsided he cleaned himself up, yanked back the shower curtain, and reached for the nearest dry towel, feeling slightly ashamed for fantasizing about Jensen like that. They’d only had about one and a half conversations so far and he was already behaving like a hormonal teenager with a crush. He didn’t even know if Jensen was into guys or not. Besides, if Mackenzie’s reaction to them just making some light smalltalk was any indication, her brother’s emotional state was on some pretty fragile ground. What Jensen probably needed most was a friend, not a creeper.  
  
Jared figured that as long as his attraction to Jensen stayed a harmless fantasy that it wasn’t a big deal. He was an adult after all, wasn’t he? He could be friends with the guy and not try to turn it into something more.  
  
By the time that Jared went to sleep that night he’d almost convinced himself that that was actually true.


	3. Chapter 3

 

For several days, the landscaping crew from Sweet Earth worked their magic on the new front and back yards of the Ackles house. The willows lining the entrance drive had been neatly trimmed and a small parade of young orange and lemon trees had been planted along the back fenceline. Subcontractors had arrived to install the new walkways that would meander through the garden beds. They’d even begun to dig out the base of what would be the new focal point of the backyard area - a lily pond with its own waterfall feature.  
  
Jensen mostly stayed in the house watching the transformation slowly take place. He didn’t like having to deal with strangers and the way people often stared. The only time he ventured out was when Jared stopped by on his lunch break. They’d developed an unofficial pattern of sorts. Mackenzie would fix a bunch of sandwiches and go distribute them to the men. She’d share hers with Stephen while Jared would take one in each hand and sit on the edge of the patio to eat. Then Jensen would roll his wheelchair out and park it next to Jared who would wordlessly pass him one. Jensen never asked and Jared never offered, it was just understood. They’d sit like that for a while and talk until Jared decided he had to get back to work. Jared had a quirky way of picking up their conversation from the day before like it had been just seconds ago instead hours. It was fast becoming Jensen’s favorite time of day.  
  
They talked about nothing in particular at first. As it turned out they had a surprising amount of things in common. They shared a similar affinity for basketball, crime novels, and nineties alternative rock. Jared knew more about wine than Jensen thought was possible from someone who didn’t actually work for a vineyard and Jensen was a huge movie buff so he was able to recommend a long list of titles he thought Jared might like. Of course there were plenty of things that they didn’t see eye to eye on as well. They debated the merits of Batman over Superman for a good twenty minutes one day until Stephen called Jared away for his help with something and Jensen realized how they’d let the time slip away from them. It was kind of amazing actually to have someone to talk to like that. A friend.  
  
He learned a lot of details about Jared’s life from their conversations as well. Jensen knew that Jared had a younger sister but he soon found out that he also had an older brother who lived in Illinois. Jensen’s own brother, Josh, had passed away years ago from a drug overdose but that loss was still so fresh in his mind that it was still hard for him to talk about. In fact, he really never offered up anything personal but thankfully Jared didn’t seem to mind. He was talkative enough for the both of them when he got going and Jensen, for his part, was an attentive audience.  
  
Jared’s brother, Jeff, had gotten out of the family business and moved to Chicago to pursue a prestigious career in medicine. As proud of him and his lofty aspirations as Gerry and Sherri Padalecki were, they were also somewhat thrown that their first born had decided to snub the family business and the simple lifestyle that they loved. They had hoped Jeff would one day take over Sweet Earth and keep the Padalecki legacy going but they soon accepted that it just wasn’t meant to be.  
  
Initially, they were concerned about the same thing happening with their younger son. They were determined not to pressure Jared or push him into anything when it came time for him to think about his future. Instead, they hoped that unlike his brother he would come around to the idea of taking up the family business on his own. They encouraged him to go away to college to explore his opportunities a bit, letting him know that the nursery would always be there as an option for him if he wanted it.  
  
Their worries were completely unfounded however. Jared’s dream was to run Sweet Earth and expand it, growing the landscape design side of the business, as well as making a name for themselves by developing their own signature plant varietals. He ended up going to California Polytech’s College of Agriculture in nearby San Luis Obispo so he could still make it back home every weekend to do a few shifts at the nursery. Jared had told him that it had been a lot of hard work to split his time that way but that when he finally graduated with a degree in horticulture and environmental science he saw the pride on his father’s face and he knew that it had all been worth it. Now six years later, Jared was living his dream.  
  
Jensen quietly envied him for that and for the Padalecki’s unwavering support that they showed one another - even for Jeff, their black sheep success story. He never had any kind of direction in his life like Jared had.  
  
As the children of a Hollywood power couple, Jensen and his siblings had grown up in a complicated combination of intense public scrutiny but zero parental supervision. They had all the money they could ever want, no responsibilities to speak of, and completely unrealistic standards to live up to. They had each dealt with the pressure in their own ways. Mackenzie poured her energy into acting and charity work. Jensen had rebelled. Jeff had retreated into a haze of narcotics that had eventually killed him. The Ackles family, as it was, never really recovered from it. That had been the catalyst which sent Jensen on his own downward spiral, eventually ending with him lying half-dead at the bottom of a ravine. Sometimes he wondered how his life would have been different if he’d had parents like the Padaleckis or if his brother had lived. He might have even been the kind of guy Jared could’ve been proud of.  
  
Jensen liked to think that in another life he would have had the courage to ask Jared out.  There was nothing he didn't find appealing about him.  His broad shoulders, his sun-kissed tan, and his mile-long legs.  And when he laughed - _sweet Jesus_ those dimples were just killer.  Jensen had never met a man who could be so effortlessly sexy while covered in dirt and smelling of fresh cut grass.  On top of that, as If the pretty packaging wasn't enough, Jared had such a kind unassuming way that it was impossible not to feel completely at ease around him.  He really listened when Jensen spoke to him, not just waiting for his turn to speak.  He was thoughtful in how he treated people and obviously loyal to his family and the people he loved.  When Jensen added it all up, he thought Jared was next to perfect.  Far too good for a guy like him.  As it was, he just counted himself lucky that Jared kept coming back to see him every day.  It was a real change – a nice one for once – to have something to look forward to again.

A little over a week and a half since the landscape project had begun, Jensen had to miss his usual lunch with Jared because he had to meet with the new physical therapist Mackenzie had talked him into seeing. She had been so elated by his budding friendship with Jared - what she described as Jensen “finally coming back to the world” - that she grabbed onto that momentum with both hands and attacked the problem of his recovery process with renewed vigor. Jensen had agreed to it mostly because he couldn’t bear to crush her hopes for him yet again. For the first time in a long time, he found himself with the desire to try. Plus, she had mentioned it to Jared and he had lit up like a roman candle at the idea.  
  
The therapist’s name was Misha and he walked right into Jensen’s den carrying a stack of file folders under his arm. His no-nonsense attitude immediately put Jensen on guard. Apparently, Misha had done some homework on him and right from the start he made it clear that he wasn’t at all happy with what he’d learned. Jensen really did not appreciate his style of brutal honesty.  
  
“You’re way behind on where you should be at this point,” Misha informed him. “You should be out of that wheelchair and using your prosthetic full time.”  
  
“I don’t like the leg,” Jensen replied evenly, trying to keep his cool. “It makes me walk like a zombie.”  
  
“It wouldn’t if you’d practice with it some more and get used to it. At least it’s walking. All you’re doing right now is sitting on your ass.”  
  
Jensen felt his hackles starting to rise. Who the fuck did this guy think he was? “Are you saying you think I’m lazy?”  
  
“No,” Misha corrected him. “I think you’re scared. I think you’re taking the easy way out because you’re afraid that you won’t be able to live up to your own expectations.”  
  
If Jensen could have stood up and slugged him he would have. “You know what, I don’t need this.”  
  
He tried to turn around and wheel his way out of the room but Misha circled around and blocked his path. “Actually I think this is exactly what you need. I’ve looked over your history and conferred with some of your old therapists. They painted a pretty clear picture for me of what’s been going on with you. You’re letting your self-esteem issues get in the way of living your life. You think you can’t be the person you want to be so you’ve just given up. And when anyone tries to help you change that you either shut down or turn into a bully to scare them off because you don’t want to face up to it.” He planted his hands on his hips. “Well I’m sorry, but I’ve been doing this for a long time and I don’t scare that easily.”  
  
“What do you want from me?” Jensen shouted in frustration. This was too much. He wanted to make Kazie proud of him but putting up with this kind of treatment from a perfect stranger was just asking too much.  
  
“I want you to actually _care_ about getting better,” Misha told him calmly. “Let’s start there.”  
  
Jensen didn’t know how to respond to that. This guy had known him for less than an hour and he had already cut through the bullshit to expose Jensen’s deepest insecurities. He felt so angry and raw that he couldn’t even speak.  
  
“Okay,” Misha said at last. “I think that’s quite enough for today but I’m going to be back tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. The sooner you get on board with this and get walking the sooner you’ll be rid of me. How’s that for incentive?”  
  
Jensen just glared at him until Misha left. As soon as he was alone he grabbed the closest thing he could reach, an empty coffee mug, and smashed it against the wall. The sound it made was oddly satisfying.  
  
Suddenly, the patio doors burst open and Jared came running into the room.  
  
“Jensen?” he said, looking alarmed. “Are you okay? I was just outside and I heard a crash.”  
  
The momentary release of aggression now seemed embarrassingly childish. “I’m fine.”  
  
“This doesn’t look like fine,” Jared said, gesturing at the broken bits of ceramic. “Tell me what happened.”  
  
“It’s nothing. It was just me being stupid,” he admitted. “This new physical therapist guy pissed me off.”  
  
Jared’s expression darkened. “What did he do?”  
  
Having to say it out loud made Jensen feel even guiltier about how he’d reacted. Even as the words were coming out of his mouth he realized how ridiculous it sounded. “He got on my case about using the prosthetic. He said I wasn’t trying hard enough.”  
  
Jared was quiet for a moment. Then he took a seat on the arm of the couch so that he was eye level with Jensen. “Why do you think he said that?”  
  
If it had been anyone else, Jensen might have denied it and gotten angry all over again. Because it was Jared and because the question was asked without a hint of judgment behind it he found himself genuinely wanting to have at least one person who was on his side.  
  
“He thinks that I’m afraid to. He thinks I’ve given up.” Jensen swallowed, not willing to admit that Misha was dead on right about it. “I just met the guy. What gives him the right to lay that kind of shit on me when he doesn’t even know me?”  
  
Jared nodded thoughtfully, taking that in. “Okay. So if you think he’s wrong, we should prove it to him.”  
  
Jensen was flabbergasted. “We?”  
  
Then it was Jared’s turn to look embarrassed. “Well, yeah. I mean, I know you have Mackenzie and she’s great, but if there’s anything I can do to help then I want to do it. If that’s alright with you.”  
  
For the second time that day Jensen found himself at a loss for words. “Why?” he finally blurted out. He honestly didn’t understand why Jared wanted to get involved in his messed up life when he had nothing to gain from it.  
  
“Why wouldn’t I?” Jared asked, sounding a little offended.  
  
“No,” Jensen said quickly. “It’s just that in my experience people usually don’t go out of their way to help someone unless they have a reason to.”  
  
Jared shrugged it off. “I’m going to be coming here every day to work until the job is finished anyway. I don’t exactly consider that going out of my way.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stood, making like he was going to leave the way he came in. Then he paused at the patio doors. “If you really need a reason, I guess you can call it me wanting to help out a friend. We’re friends, aren’t we?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen said, trying to make it sound like it didn’t mean absolutely everything to him. “Yeah, man we are. Thanks.”  
  
“Don’t mention it,” Jared said with a satisfied smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”  
  
“See you tomorrow.”  
  
Jared walked out, closing the patio doors silently behind him.  
  
Then Jensen was alone again, this time with a stomach full of butterflies. He wasn’t sure whether agreeing to let Jared help him was the worst decision he’d ever made or very best. Tomorrow he’d find out for sure either way.

As soon as Jared got home from work that night he called his sister. Megan had been peppering him for details about the Ackles family all week via text. He had mostly been ignoring them up until now but after his talk with Jensen he felt like he could use her advice.  
  
“What the hell, Jared?” she exclaimed as soon as she picked up. “Are your fingers broken or something? Why haven’t you been answering any of my texts?”  
  
“I’ve been busy!” he said defensively. “It’s not my job to be your informant. If you want to know where Mackenzie gets her hair done then why don’t you come by the house and just ask her yourself?”  
  
“I would if I weren’t chained to a register all day long!”  
  
Jared sighed. This was so not why he called. “Listen, she told me that she’s starting classes at UCSB next week. Come Monday you can pester her in person.”  
  
“ _Really?_ ” Megan squealed. “Oh my god, I’m so excited!”  
  
“I’m so glad I could help you with your girl-crush,” Jared said dryly.  
  
“Ha ha. Okay, what’s up?” she asked. “How did I finally rate a call back?”  
  
“I wanted to ask you about something,” Jared began. “I’ve been hanging out with Jensen a little bit while I’ve been over there and we’ve sort of become friends now I guess.”  
  
“That’s great!”  
  
“Yeah. It’s good. It’s really good. Anyway, he’s been mostly using a wheelchair to get around but his physical therapist wants him to start using a prosthetic leg from now on. He’s got to learn how to walk on it and he’s having trouble getting used to the idea. I kind of offered to help him. Not that I have the first clue about any of that stuff. I just think he needs someone who’s going to be there for him while he figures it out.”  
  
“Wow. Okay. That’s kind of a lot,” Megan said, trying to digest it all. “So what’s he like?”  
  
Jared smiled to himself, thinking about how his opinion of Jensen had changed so drastically in such a short amount of time. “Well I thought he was a total prick at first. But now that I know him a little better I think he’s… awesome. Don’t get me wrong, he’s got a wicked temper on him sometimes. I can tell he’s got some issues. Who wouldn’t with everything he’s been through though, right? He’s got serious walls up even on a good day and I get the feeling that there’s a lot going on in there that he’s not ready to talk about but-“  
  
“But you like him,” Megan finished.  
  
Jared blew out a puff of breath. “Yeah. He’s smart, funny in a kind of self-deprecating way, and he’s really fun to talk to once you get him going on something he’s interested in. Am I crazy?”  
  
“Definitely,” she quipped with a moment’s hesitation. “But no more than usual.”  
  
“Not helpful. I’m being serious here.”  
  
“So am I.” For once, Megan sounded genuinely sincere. “I think if there’s anyone who needs a friend it’s him. If you want to be that for him then I think that’s great. But if you want more than that, I think you should probably learn a little more about him before you let yourself get too carried away.”  
  
“Don’t tell me,” Jared said. “He’s straight isn’t he? Fuck, I knew it.” It was exactly what he didn’t want to hear and had been too afraid to ask the man himself.  
  
“I didn’t say that.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Jared demanded. “Is he or isn’t he?”  
  
Megan gave a little exasperated sigh. “Well I don’t have a signed confession in blood or anything but according to Perez Hilton he’s been seen out partying one-on-one with just as many guys as he has with girls. I don’t know if he actually dated any of them.”  
  
“Seriously? You’re claiming a celebrity rumor blog as a credible source?” Jared couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Then again, if it was true maybe he had a reason for hope after all.  
  
“The fact that you don’t know for sure should be a big enough sign for you that you need to do a little more research on this guy,” Megan pointed out.  
  
“What do you mean research?”  
  
“Oh my god, Jared.” Megan groaned in frustration. “I mean Google him for fuck’s sake! Everyone does it, even when the person they’re interested in isn’t famous.”  
  
He would be lying if he said the thought hadn’t already crossed his mind but he’d been resisting the urge to it so far. He remembered how protective Jensen was about his privacy. “I don’t know. Isn’t that a little invasive? Maybe I should just let him share what he wants to with me at his own pace.”  
  
“It’s up to you, bro. I’m not at all saying that you shouldn’t be friends with him. If you want to help him with his leg then that’s great too and for the record I think it’s completely awesome of you to want to do that. What I am saying is that if I were you I’d want to know what I’m getting into before I got the guy’s name tattooed on my ass.”  
  
Jared rolled his eyes at her even though she wasn’t there to see it. “Thanks for that sage little nugget of wisdom. I hope you didn’t hurt yourself there,” he said sarcastically.  
  
“That’s what sisters are for,” Megan replied cheerfully. He could practically hear the shit-eating grin in her voice.  
  
Jared grumbled a perfunctory goodbye and hung up the phone. Maybe she was right. If he was really being honest he had to admit that the more time he spent with Jensen the more he wanted him.  There was something that was simply magnetic about him, the way he looked, the way he talked, his whole presence seemed to draw Jared in.  Every now and then he'd get little flashes of this man who once must have been larger than life, like that part of him was slowly starting to break through that hard outer shell.  He saw it in the way Jensen looked at him sometimes, the dangerous curve of his smile, and the tiny spark of wildness in his eyes.  Jared wanted to feed that spark in him and watch it grow.   
  
He couldn't ignore it anymore.  There was definitely something between them, a connection that blossom into something real given the chance to.  He might be able to resign himself to keeping it strictly on a friendship level if he made a conscious decision to now. The longer he left the situation unresolved in his mind the harder it would be for him to curb his feelings later.  
  
Later that night, Jared sat up in bed for a long time with his laptop open to the Google homepage. He stared at the screen with the cursor blinking at him mockingly as he tried to rationalize out what he was about to do. He told himself that it wasn’t like he was spying on Jensen or anything. After all he wasn’t digging for any personal stuff that wasn’t right there in the search results for anyone in the world to read. He was just learning things about Jensen that was already public knowledge.  
  
Jared looked over at Harley who was lying at the end of his bed, half-asleep and completely oblivious to his master’s crisis of conscious. “I’m overthinking this, aren’t I?” he asked him.  
  
Harley thumped his tail at the sound of Jared’s voice but he wasn’t any more forthcoming than that.  
  
“This is ridiculous. I’m just going to do it.” Jared typed in Jensen’s name and hit enter.  
  
Two hours later he was still wide awake, having fallen down the rabbit hole of Jensen’s search results and was seriously questioning his sanity for ever asking his sister’s advice on his love life. He had no idea how he was going to face Jensen in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

 

The next day, Jensen had his first real session with Misha. By the time it was over he felt completely overwhelmed and physically exhausted.  
  
Back in the hospital, his doctors had made sure that his first few temporary prosthetic pieces were used with in tandem with a series of compression dressings to help prepare his remaining limb for Jensen to be able to put weight on it comfortably. The temporary prosthetics were ugly and clunky and Jensen was constantly in pain whenever he tried to stand up in them. When the swelling finally went down, the doctors replaced the temporary pieces with a more permanent one which was perfectly shaped to his limb. They taught him how to maintain it as well as the sensitive skin that came in contact with it and how to take it on and off by himself. He hadn’t let them get much further than that before he got fed up and called quits on the whole pathetic enterprise.  
  
At the time, it had felt like he was being forced into a long, uphill battle that he didn’t want any part of. He figured that he got along as well as he needed to in his wheelchair and he had a pair of crutches that he could use when the wheelchair was too cumbersome to deal with. What he really wanted was just to be left alone. Now that he found himself trying to pick up where he’d left off all those months ago, he felt like he was right back at the bottom of that hill staring up at the summit which looked farther away than ever.  
  
For their first official session, Misha had started him on a regimen of exercises to train the muscles in his limb, his glutes, his back, and his core so that they would have the strength and the stamina he was going to need for the road ahead of him. Essentially, what Misha said they were trying to accomplish was something called “muscle re-education”. Jensen had to learn how to stand and maintain his balance upright, how to flex his hip and thigh muscles in the right way to support himself as he moved, and eventually how to adjust to the mechanics of walking with an entirely different gait. In the meantime, Misha wanted him to do the exercises everyday as part of his homework and to wear his prosthetic while using his crutches to get around on for at least four hours a day. He said that even though Jensen wasn’t to put any pressure on it yet, that the habit of using it every day would help him get reacquainted with its added weight and how it affected his center of gravity.  
  
Jensen had snapped and snarled at him throughout the entire session. The exercises just reminded him of how far he’d fallen from back when he used to work out all the time and had the kind of body he was actually proud of showing off. He had lost so much of his hard-earned bulk since then that he felt like a thinner, weaker imitation of his former himself. Part of him wanted to just quit. He didn’t want to do any of it but now that he’d made the commitment to try he felt like he couldn’t back out of it without disappointing everyone. A major component of that “everyone” now included Jared.  
  
He hadn’t gotten to see Jared much that day other than a quick hello when he’d first shown up for work early that morning. The landscaping crew had been cut back to just him and two other guys now that the real heavy labor was done. Stephen and the rest of the men were needed on other projects they’d booked which meant that Jared had to shoulder a lot of the load himself. Jared had told him that he didn’t mind since he had planned to do most of the final work himself anyway and that he’d stop by to see him when he was ready to finish up for the day.  
  
Jensen couldn’t put his finger on it exactly but he could have sworn that Jared seemed nervous. Like something was off between them. He was worried that Jared might be having second thoughts about offering to help him.  When he finally heard the knock at his patio door it instantly brightened his mood.  Apparently he wasn't going to get stood up after all.  
  
“It’s open,” he called from his seat on the couch. He was still wearing his prosthetic leg as Misha had instructed and he was acutely aware that it was the first time Jared would be seeing it on him.  
  
Jared walked in looking dirty and sweaty. He was coated with a fine layer of garden soil from his fingertips to his elbows and he smelled like the inside of a florist shop. “Sorry!” he began as he turned to shut the door behind him. “I got held up with the roses. Did you know the soil you’ve got out there is the perfect pH level out there for Blue Girl tea roses? I was going to plant red ones along the side of the patio but…” Then his voice trailed off and his eyes widened almost comically large as he took in the sight of Jensen without his wheelchair. “Shit, I didn’t even realize. You’re wearing your leg.”  
  
A wave of shyness hit Jensen under the weight of Jared’s stare. “Yeah. Weird right? I look like a cyborg with this thing.” He stared down at his leg, anxiously avoiding looking Jared in the eye. The prosthetic was shiny black metal with a mechanical joint at the knee which enabled it to bend almost like a normal leg. Its foot was covered with flesh-toned rubbery skin intended to make it look more realistic when covered by his pant leg. Jensen thought it looked more like it belonged to a mannequin or a sex doll. He was so wrapped up in his own self-consciousness that he didn’t realize Jared had moved until he felt the couch cushion sink next to him with the other man’s weight.  
  
“I think it looks kinda cool actually,” Jared said with a smile. “A cool, badass cyborg leg.”  
  
Jensen was on edge, listening for any patronizing tone in Jared’s voice that might signal he was being less than sincere about it but there wasn’t any to find. That helped to relax him a little. Still it was strange to have Jared sitting so close to him, even though part of him was insanely happy about it. He felt exposed without the protective bubble that seemed to envelop him when he was in his wheelchair.  
  
Some of that anxiety must have shown on his face because Jared wouldn’t let it go. “I’m serious, man. I don’t think it’s weird at all.”  
  
Jensen shrugged noncommittally, belying how relieved he actually was to hear that. “I’m supposed to wear it for at least a few hours every day from now on. Misha wants me to practice standing up with it.”  
  
“ _Misha?_ ” Jared chuckled. “Is that really the guy’s name?”  
  
Jensen smiled at the sound of his laugh. He couldn’t help but feel better about life when Jared laughed like that. “Yeah. He’s a dick but he seems to know what he’s doing.”  
  
“Okay,” Jared said. “Well, then let’s get you standing.” He stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans, succeeding in smearing dirt on them without actually removing much. “Crap. Can I use your bathroom real quick? I probably should have washed up with the hose before I came in here.”  
  
“Yeah, of course. It’s down the hall and to the left.”  
  
Jensen grabbed his crutches from where he’d leaned them against the arm of the couch and waited for patiently for him. He was a little nervous about looking like a weakling in front of Jared but he was at least reasonably confident that he could stand on his good leg without falling over if he needed to.  
  
However, when Jared walked back into the den a minute or so later he was the one who looked nervous all of a sudden. He stood a few feet away in front of Jensen with his hands shoved in his pockets looking at the floor like a little kid who knew he was about to be scolded. “Jensen, before we get started I have something I need to get off my chest. It’s been eating me all day and I – before I say anything I want you to know that I feel like shit about it. Honestly.”  
  
“Okay.” Jensen didn’t like the look of Jared’s guilty expression one bit. It was kind of freaking him out actually. “What’s going on?”  
  
Jared tore his eyes up from the floor. “I sort of…I googled you.”  
  
It took a second for Jensen’s brain to process what Jared was trying to tell him. When it finally sunk in, he felt like the world’s biggest asshole. He should have just told his friend about himself instead of making him feel like he had to resort to such measures.  
  
Jared must have taken his silence for a sign that he was angry because right away he started rambling, scrambling to explain himself. “I’m sorry, man. I know your history is none of my business and I shouldn’t have gone digging about you without talking to you first, but I don’t know - I guess curiosity got the best of me. It’s just that you do this thing where you let me talk and talk and every time the conversation comes back around to anything personal about you, you just get really vague and change the subject like you think I won’t notice, but I do. I notice, okay? And I haven’t called you on it until now because I got the feeling that you’ve got a lot of shit going on with everything you’ve been through and I didn’t want to make you talk about it if you didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be that guy. But I guess what I did was worse. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Jared, take a breath,” Jensen said when he could get a word in edgewise. “I’m not mad at you.”  
  
Jared exhaled in a rush of air. “You’re not?”  
  
“No. Listen, sit down okay? Looking up at you all the time is starting to kill my neck.” Jensen waited for him to take a seat on the couch before he began. There was so much ground to cover, most of which he didn’t like thinking about. “This is my fault. I should have just been more upfront with you about myself. It wasn’t that I was trying to hide anything really. Not that anything about my life stays hidden for very long anyway. It’s just that it’s weird for me to talk about my past because that guy was a totally different person than whatever I am now.”  
  
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Jared told him. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”  
  
“No, it’s okay. I want to.” Jensen hadn’t really just laid it all out there and opened up to another person in really long time. Not even Mackenzie knew the full story. Now that he actually did want talk about it the words just rushed out of him like a dam had been opened.  
  
“Well, I don’t know how much what you read online about me or how much you know so I guess I’ll just start from scratch,” he began. “I think you already know about who my parents are and what they do. Pretty much everyone in the world does.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared admitted. “Megan filled me in on that much.”  
  
Jensen nodded, the resentment that came whenever he talked about his parents building to a simmer. “What a lot of people don’t realize is that when your parents are famous you don’t really have a choice in it. You’re in the public eye because of them whether you want to be or not. My older brother, Josh – he hated it. He had his picture in People Magazine when he was less than two months old and it never really stopped. My parents have sort of always been in their own world so they just dragged him along for the ride. They put him in commercials and made-for-TV movies as soon as he could walk. He was following them to movie premieres and award shows when he should have been in kindergarten with normal kids. He started partying with my parent’s friends when he was eleven. They must have thought it was funny or something because no one ever stopped him or told him no. By the time he was thirteen he had a drinking problem. At fifteen my mom’s agent had to check him into his first rehab facility for cocaine.”  
  
“Wow,” Jared said. “That must have been hard.”  
  
“Well, I didn’t understand what was going on at first because I was too little,” Jensen explained. “I just thought my brother was sick lot. When he wasn’t sick he was a lot of fun to be around. And crazy smart. Josh was always the smartest guy in the room.” Jensen smiled to himself, remembering all the times he was cracking up laughing with his brother. He had a really dry sense of humor which not everyone got but Jensen thought was hilarious. Josh could make fun of someone to their face without them even realizing it. Jensen had always been in on the joke with him because they were best friends. Then things with his brother had taken a turn for the worse.  
  
“When I got older, I realized what he was doing to himself and I was so angry at him,” Jensen admitted. “Our parents were never around so it was really just three of us - me, him, and Kazie – and whoever our nanny of the month happened to be. It got so bad sometimes that it was like he was abandoning us too in his own way. We fought about it a lot. ” He trailed off, lost in melancholy memories of a big empty mansion filled with cold marble and not much else.  
  
Jared nodded, looking thoughtful. “You called your sister Kazie just then. The only time I’ve ever heard you do once before on the day I first met you.”  
  
Jensen smirked, the mention of his sister instantly lightening his mood a bit. “I did, didn’t I? Yeah that’s an old habit I guess. Mackenzie was a bit of a mouthful for her to learn how to say when she was little. It never came out right. The best she could do was Kazie. So that’s what I started calling her.” He had a flash of missing baby teeth and pale blond pigtails. A tiny little hand that used to always seek out his before anyone else’s.  
  
“She’s lucky she had you,” Jared told him.  
  
Jensen swallowed, thinking about how helpless he’d felt trying to take care of her and what was left of his brother. He wasn’t so sure that someone else, anyone else, couldn’t have done a better job. “We had it a lot easier than it could have been,” he said with a self-deprecating shrug. “We had money to take care of the things we needed.”  
  
“So what happened to Josh?” Jared asked.  
  
Jensen sighed heavily. There was so much that he still regretted about his brother’s final days. “I wanted him to get better but he just didn’t want to deal with real life,” he said. “Finally I told him I didn’t want him hanging around our sister and getting her mixed up in his mess. But by then the amount of time that he was sick started to outweigh the time that he was lucid. They kept sending him to rehab and then he’d get back and pick right back up from where he’d left off. He died from a heroin overdose when he was twenty-two. I was nineteen. Kazie was twelve.”  
  
He fell silent, caught up in the memories. So many times he’d hung up on his brother or kicked him out of the house until he could manage to come back sober. He had never made a conscious decision in choosing Mackenzie over Josh but in a thousand little ways he’d made that very choice again and again. Part of him still felt guilty about not being able to be there for them both.  
  
Jensen flinched at first when he felt Jared’s hand on his shoulder but it stayed there, solid and warm, and he let himself relax into it.  
  
“I’m sorry you lost him,” Jared said quietly. “That must have been terrible.”  
  
Jensen let out a long shaky breath. “Yeah, it was.” Sadly, that had only been the beginning of where it had all started to go wrong for him. “Mackenzie had another year on her contract with Kidrobix so she was occupied with that and the friends she’d made there. I think that stability was a big part of why she was able to keep it together as well as she did. I was out of school by then and I had no interest in going to college so I starting modeling full-time basically just because it was easy money and I needed something to do.”  
  
“Did you like modeling?” Jared asked. “I saw some of your pictures online. You looked like you were pretty good at it.”  
  
Jensen cringed inside, thinking about Jared seeing those old pictures and being left disappointed with what he looked like now. It made him want to crawl out of his skin.  
  
“Like I said, I was a different person then,” he reiterated flatly. It was easier for him talk about it now if he stayed disconnected from it, like it had happened to someone else. “I was flown all over the world to work with a lot of very beautiful, very superficial people, a lot of whom were even more messed up than I was. They just hid it better. So I learned to hide it too. I stayed out all night at parties drinking myself stupid, sleeping with total strangers, and popping diet pills to get me up for work the next day. That was my life for over ten years.”  
  
Jared bit the inside of his lip, looking hesitant to ask his next question. “So what changed?”  
Jensen gave a slow shake of his head. He was ashamed of how far he’d fallen. He’d never shared this much before and he wasn’t sure if he could handle talking about all the ugly details of what happened next. “You don’t need to hear about that shit. It’s not pretty, Jared.”  
  
“I don’t care. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine. I don’t want to push you. But don’t stop on my account,” Jared insisted. “I want to know. Whatever it is I’m not going to think any less of you.”  
  
Jensen wasn’t so sure that Jared would feel the same way once he’d heard it all. He’d been so callously self-involved back then. Not giving a fuck about anyone or anything other than himself. “I got arrested few times for stupid shit,” he confessed. “Public intoxication, fighting, drunk driving. I even stopping taking Mackenzie’s calls because I didn’t want to hear her bitch at me about how I was turning into Josh. But of course she was right. Then it all came to a head when my agent finally dropped me because she couldn’t find anyone who wanted to work with me.” He’d been in LA, holed up in one of his parent’s houses in the Hollywood hills for months, partying nonstop and feeling sorry for himself. “Eventually, I realized that all of my so-called friends were only hanging out with me so that they could leech off of me. They didn’t care that I was burning myself out. As long as the party kept going and I was still footing the bill they kept egging me on. Then that New Year’s Eve I just completely lost it.”  
  
“That was the night of the crash,” Jared said.  
  
Jensen nodded, remembering it vividly. After years of living in the middle of a whirlwind of flashing lights and plastic people he’d finally reached his breaking point. “I woke up in bed naked around 3 am next to two people that I didn’t even know but I was pretty sure I just fucked. My house was trashed. Drunk strangers vomiting in my bathroom, empty booze bottles in the pool, and a candybag of pills spread out all over my coffeetable. I had no idea who had even organized the thing because it sure as hell wasn’t me. I just…I had to get out of there. I didn’t care that I was too wasted to drive. I just hopped on my motorcycle and went for a ride to help clear my head.”  
  
If he closed his eyes he could still see it. The lights of the city below shining like distant stars as he whipped around one curve and then the next on his way up through the Hollywood hills. It was cold, as cold as Southern California ever gets and the wind was biting its way through his leather jacket. The engine of his big, sleek Triumph Thunderbird was running hot and growling like an angry jungle cat as he pushed it to go faster and faster. He wanted the speed, the heady reckless adrenaline of it, but even that wasn’t enough. No matter how fast he went he couldn’t escape the sickening self-disgust that weighed him down.  
  
“And that’s when the accident happened?” Jared asked.  
  
Jensen felt his eyes start to water. He wiped them with the back of his hand and felt his cheeks were wet. He hadn’t noticed that he was already crying. It was embarrassing as hell but he wasn’t ready to stop yet. The whole awful story was almost all out of him and he desperately wanted it purged.  
  
“It wasn’t an accident,” he said flatly.  
  
Jared straightened up in alarm. “What? What do you mean? The article I saw online said you were almost hit by a car. It said you swerved to get out the way and lost control of the bike.”  
  
Jensen shook his head and wiped at his face again. “That’s what I told the cops when I came to in the hospital. There was never any other car. I didn’t swerve. I didn’t even brake. I drove it right off the edge of that cliff. I thought it would kill me. Clearly, I was wrong.”  
  
Jared stood up and just paced for a few moments. Jensen watched, waiting patiently for him to explode. The sudden burst of anger radiating out of his friend was burning so hot that he was almost nuclear. Then Jared surprised him by coming to an abrupt halt and going completely still except for the trembling of his hand as he pointed his finger in Jensen’s face.  
  
“You’re a fucking moron, you know that?” Jared told him, his voice dangerously low. “You had so much left to live for and you almost threw it all away. Did it ever cross your mind what that would to do your family, you selfish prick? To Mackenzie?”  
  
Jensen absorbed Jared’s anger, accepting it as no less than he deserved. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I was looking for an easy way out of a situation that I didn’t know how to fix on my own. I was just done. So I gave up.” He swallowed hard, forcing out the last of it even though it tore him up to admit. He’d given up back then and even thought he’d survived the wreck he’d kept on right on giving up at every turn for a long, long time afterward because when it came down to it he didn’t want to get better.  
  
“Quitting on yourself becomes a habit when you’re as good at it as I am. It’s a hard one to break,” he explained. “However shitty and empty I thought my life was back then it just got a hundred times worse when they took my leg. That was the price I had to pay for giving in to one drunken moment of impulse. I’ve been paying for it every damn day since.” He paused, completely emotionally spent. “So now you know everything there is to know about me.”  
  
There was total quiet for long minutes afterward as Jensen tried to quiet the storm he had unleashed inside of himself. He could practically hear the gears turning Jared’s head as his friend processed everything that he’d just thrown at him. There wasn’t anything he could do to soften the impact at this point so he just waited it out. He didn’t have the energy for much else anyway.  
  
When Jared finally cleared his throat and broke their silence the sound of his voice in the stillness of the room was almost jarring. “I don’t really know what to say,” he began. “I guess my first question would be how do you feel now? Was Misha right, you know? Do you still not care about getting better?”  
  
Jensen didn’t even need to think about it. The answer came to him easily. “No. Misha might have been right a week or two ago but right now I don’t believe he is. I’m here and I’m trying, aren’t I? I’m sick of letting people down. I don’t want to let myself do that anymore.”  
  
“So you’re not going to do anything stupid?” Jared asked anxiously. “You’re not planning on…hurting yourself?”  
  
“No.” Jensen could at least promise him that. “I’m not. I won’t, I swear. I’m done with that. Mackenzie doesn’t know what I did and I don’t ever want to put her through that.”  
  
Jared nodded silently, still looking drawn and worried. “Okay. Okay good. Because I swear to God if I ever hear of you doing something like that again I will kick your ass. If you think I’m above beating the shit out of a guy in a wheelchair then in this case you’re wrong.”  
  
The mental image his threat provided was so ridiculous and Jensen was so emotionally taxed by then that he couldn’t help himself from bursting out a chuckle. “I’m sorry,” he laughed. “It’s not that I’m not taking you seriously but really? A guy in a wheelchair? That’s cold, man.”  
  
Jared looked insulted at first and then gradually a smirk fought its way across his face. “Shut up. I’d totally do it. I might feel bad about it later but I still would.”  
  
“I promise I won’t put you in that situation.” Jensen drew a cross over his heart to seal the deal.  
  
“You better fucking not.”  
  
“Okay!”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
With that matter settled, and the heaviness of their conversation at least momentarily lifted, Jensen started wondering over a few questions of his own. “So was that pretty much the same stuff you found out when you Googled me?” he asked.  
  
Jared’s brow furrowed a little in an expression Jensen couldn’t quite decipher. “Most of it was. Hearing your side of things filled in a lot of the gaps for me. Mainly what I found were articles about you and your family, pictures of you when you were modeling, and your mugshots. And there was that video on YouTube of you getting arrested in front of some diner in Las Vegas.”  
  
“Ah, yeah. The Peppermill. That was a long night,” Jensen reminisced. “Well, as you can see I’m really not that guy anymore.” He tapped his prosthetic with his index finger, making a faint metallic sound. “That guy was a marginally successful model with two good legs. I’m an unemployed cripple.”  
  
Thankfully Jared played along at his lame attempt to poke fun at himself. “True,” he agreed, with a smirk. “But at least now you’ve got some killer blue rose bushes.”  
  
Jensen laughed. A full-bodied laugh that he didn’t know he still had in him. “Well, there you go. Things are looking up.”  
  
It was a novel feeling for him, to have someone who he felt he could let his guard down around. He didn’t have to put on a brave face for him like he did with his sister and he didn’t have to second-guess Jared’s intentions. Despite the fact that he had nothing to gain from it, Jared chose to stick around and he seemed to genuinely care. He even made good on his promise to help Jensen with his physical therapy homework, sticking around for another hour to spot for Jensen as he practiced moving around with his prosthesis. It was amazingly freeing for Jensen to have discovered a friend like him.  
  
After they completed another round of Misha’s exercises, Jensen practically collapsed down on the couch, thoroughly exhausted. Jared was thoughtful enough to go grab him a bottle of water out of the kitchen fridge. He handed it to Jensen and took a seat next to him as Jensen gulped it down greedily. “Thanks, man.” Jensen sighed in relief. “I needed that.”  
  
Jared bit his bottom lip, frowning slightly. “Hey, Jensen? This is probably not a good time to bring it up. Actually I’m pretty sure it’s not. But since you’ve been so honest with me, I feel like I need to be totally honest with you.”  
  
Jensen had to laugh. “Dude, I told you that I pulled a one-man Thelma and Louise on my motorcycle and you’re still here. All due respect, I really don’t think there’s anything that you could tell me right now that would top that in the running for horrible personal confessions. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”  
  
Jared looked down, letting his hair fall into his eyes. “Well, when you put it that way I feel stupid for even saying this. All things considered it’s not a big deal and I don’t want to make it into one. At least, not if you don’t want it to be.” He dragged a hand through his hair, combing it back from his face before he caught Jensen’s gaze. “One of the biggest reasons that I first looked you up before I knew about the rest of it was to find out if you were gay.”  
  
“Oh.” Jensen was a little taken aback. He had not at all seen that one coming. His first reaction was confusion. “Does that matter? I thought you said you were gay.”  
  
“No!” Jared exclaimed. “I mean I am. No, as in I wouldn’t have any problem with you being gay. If you were. So are you?”  
  
Jensen had never been one for categories or labels of any kind. They tended to cramp his style back when he was spending most of his nights with his dick buried in the nearest willing body, utterly unconcerned with whatever gender it happened to be. Then the crash happened and he hadn’t been interested in any kind of sex since.  
  
“I’ve slept with men before if that’s what you’re asking,” he said hesitantly. “I’ve never been in a long-term relationship with one but that’s mainly because I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone that lasted more than a weekend or two.” It wasn’t something he was particularly proud of but on the grand scheme of things it was one of the smaller skeletons in his closet. “You know, if you wanted to know so bad you could’ve just asked me.”  
  
“You’re right,” Jared said, looking visibly relieved. “I’m sorry. I should have just asked you. I guess I was just too nervous to.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it.” Jensen said with a shrug. He yawned, noticing for the first time how late it had gotten. “Thanks for doing this, by the way. Helping me with my physical therapy.”  
  
“No problem,” Jared told him.  
  
“I’m pretty tired,” Jensen admitted. “I think it’s time we call it a night.”  
  
“Sure. I’m pretty beat too.” Jared stood up and stretched the kinks out of his muscles. “Ugh," he groaned. "I need a shower, a couple slices of pizza, and a warm bed. Preferably in that order.”  
  
“Damn, me too. That sounds awesome right about now.” Jensen said, grabbing for his crutches.  
  
Jared offered him his hand instead. “Let me help you up.”  
  
Jensen took it gratefully and used it to lever himself up to a standing position on his good leg, trusting Jared not to let him fall. When he straightened up Jared didn’t back away, but stayed right up in his personal space, holding him steady with one hand under his elbow and another that had somehow found its way to his waist. It was different than how Jared had touched him before when he had been spotting him, gentler and more intimate. It had been so long since Jensen had felt that from anyone that his immediate reaction was to freeze in place.  
  
If Jared felt him go tense he didn’t let it get in his way. He adjusted his hold on Jensen to wrap him up in a fierce hug. “I’m sorry if you’re not a hugger but I am. What you said before. You got me worried about you, man.”  
  
Jensen forced himself to relax and just go with it. Jared was warm and solid and he wasn’t going to let him fall. His arms came up around the breadth of Jared’s back to return the hug. “I know. I’m sorry. That was a lot all at once.”  
  
“Anytime.” Jared pulled back to release him but kept a grip on Jensen’s shoulder to keep him balanced while he handed Jensen his crutches. “Here you go.”  
  
Jensen shoved one under each arm, shifting his balance to let them take most of his weight.  
  
Jared looked him up and down with a funny little smile on his face.  
  
“What?” Jensen asked.  
  
“Nothing. I guess I got used to seeing you in that chair. But I gotta say I like this better. I didn’t expect you to be so tall.”  
  
Jensen smiled. “I get that a lot.”  
  
Then Jared shocked the breath out of him by leaning down and kissing him. Big rough hands came up to frame Jensen’s face as Jared slotted their mouths together, tenderly nudging Jensen’s lips to let him in for a taste.  
  
Jensen couldn’t help but respond. It was slow and sweet but when it was over Jensen was still left shaking from it. “What was that?” he asked, his voice a rough whisper.  
  
Jared raised his eyebrows in a rough approximation of a shrug. “It’s just like I said before. Not a big deal. Unless you want it to be.” He pressed one more light kiss to Jensen’s mouth, letting it linger just a bit before he pulled away entirely. “Think about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
Jensen watched him walk out the patio doors to his truck, mildly paralyzed with shock. When he remembered to breathe again he sat down hard on the couch, letting his crutches fall where they may. He was bowled over by twin waves of _turned on_ and _terrified_ and he didn’t know what the hell to do about either one.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Jared worked his ass off all the next day. It was Sunday and strictly speaking he wasn’t supposed to be there working on the Ackles house or anything else for that matter. Sweet Earth was closed on Sundays and the landscaping half of the business had the day off as well which meant he was all on his own. He didn’t care though. He wanted everything to fit perfectly with the picture he had in his head. It was especially important to him now that the job was almost finished.  
  
He’d added a few things now that he’d gotten to know both of the Ackles siblings better, hoping to bring a little of Jensen’s personality into the scheme as well. It wasn’t the look he’d originally been dreaming of for the Delongpre Estate for so many years but now reality was becoming better than the dream in ways he hadn’t anticipated. He wouldn’t be true to his craft or to his heart if he left such a huge part of the home’s new energy out of it. Somewhere along the line the project had stopped being about creating a grand showcase of his talents and became about giving a gift to people he’d grown to care a lot about.  
  
Jared had already planted plenty of things that he felt reflected Mackenzie's nature.  He thought of her as a bright Gerber daisy, cheerful and friendly.  Jensen, on the other hand, was a little more complicated.  He was a mix of light and dark, sharp thorns and heart stopping beauty. Something unique and not easily domesticated. After hunting and hunting for just the right thing, Jared decided that what he was looking for didn’t actually exist in nature. No one species contained all the dualities that made up Jensen.  
  
If he’d had the time he would have liked to develop a hybrid of his own that would fit the bill. He’d been growing his own plant and flower varietals for some time and he’d been successful at it so far. Unfortunately none of the ideas he had in mind for the _Rosa Jensenata_ would be ready to use anytime soon. Instead, he selected a mix of plants that came closest to the mark. Spiny “Crown of Thorns” with pale peach petals, milk thistle with it’s mohawk bloom of bold purple, and bright fushica gooseberry whose exotic-looking flowers would attract hummingbirds from miles around. Then just for good measure, he planted lacy white valerian root – for healing.  
  
Just a few more touches left, a little tweak to the waterfall feature in the pond, and Jared would consider himself well satisfied with his work.  He couldn’t wait to show the final product off to Mackenzie and of course Jensen. He laid sod, spread out mulch, and planted ground cover with a relentless and nervous energy.  His body was moving from task to task but his mind was focused on one thing and one thing only – his talk last night with Jensen and the uncharacteristically bold move he’d made when he kissed Jensen goodbye. Not that he regretted it at all. He wouldn’t take it back for now for anything.  
  
Normally he would have hemmed and hawed about making a big move like that for weeks, weigh all the pros and cons, and then when it came down to it he probably would have chickened out anyway. He didn’t often take that kind of risk with someone he hadn’t known for very long but his connection with Jensen felt so real and so solid. All of his usual doubts and insecurities wilted away to nothing in the face of it. There was something about him, even for all his issues and all his faults, that Jared just had a gut feeling about even though he couldn’t pinpoint why. He was as sure about it as he’d been about every other major decision in his life and he had never been wrong so far.  
  
There was no mistaking it now - he knew that if he moved forward in this thing with Jensen it would be major. There could be no half-assing a relationship with someone like him who so desperately needed a shoulder to lean on, literally and figuratively. Jared knew that he could be that person for him. And what’s more, he wanted to be that person, the one who Jensen turned to when he needed to vent like he had last night. He wanted to be there to share the good moments with him too. The first time Jensen was able to take a few steps on his prosthesis, the first time he was able to go up and down stairs on his own, and the first time he’d walk unassisted. Jared wanted to be there for all those milestones and every moment in between.  
  
As he worked around the yard, he gave the house itself a wide berth and by extension Jensen. He knew that Jensen was inside, most likely camped out in his den as usual, and probably thinking about the same things that were running through his own mind. The unknown variable was whether or not they were going to come to the same conclusion - that they should give this thing a shot. Jared wanted to give him as much space as he could while he was thinking it all out. He understood that this was huge for Jensen. It was pretty huge for him too.  
  
He finished up everything that needed to be taken care of, used the garden hose to wash the dirt off of his hands, and took a deep breath. It was time to see what Jensen had to say.  
  
As he was walking up to the patio, he caught site of Mackenzie walking out the front door. She was wearing a coral-pink cocktail dress and sky-high heels. She looked stunning. Jared had a feeling that some lucky guy was about to have his heart stolen. He sent her a friendly wave in greeting and she waved back with a smile.  
  
“Going to see Jensen?” she asked.  
  
“Um, yeah.” He wasn’t sure how much Jensen might have told her about what was going on between them so he decided to change the subject rather than elaborate. “Where are you headed?”  
  
“I have a date,” she said, a pretty blush painting her cheeks. “A first date actually. With Stephen.”  
  
Jared grinned wide. Stephen wasn’t going to know what hit him and he couldn’t have been happier for both of them. “That’s awesome. Good for you.”  
  
“Any advice? He’s your friend after all.”  
  
“Let me guess, he’s taking you to the Los Olivos Café, right? It’s his favorite place in town.” When she nodded a yes, Jared thought for a second. “If it’s still on the menu, order a bottle of  Vineyard’s ’09 Mourvedre and he’ll love you forever.”  
  
“Thanks! You’re the best. See you later.” She gave him another little wave goodbye, hopped in her car, and drove off for her date.  
  
Taking the news of the upswing in Mackenzie’s love life as a good omen, Jared jogged up to the patio door and knocked once before poking his head in. “Jensen? You in here?”  
  
“Hey, come on in.” Jensen was laying flat on the couch with a book in his lap. Jared could see that he had his prosthetic on and that his crutches were resting next to him against the back of the couch. As he walked in and closed the door behind him, Jensen sat up and swung his legs around to sit upright on the couch.  His expression was strangely unreadable.  
  
“So, how’s it going?” Jared began, trying to get a gauge on his friend’s mood. “Did you have a good session with Misha today? Or did you fire him already?”  
  
“Not yet.” Jensen rolled his eyes sarcastically like he was wishing he could. “No session today. It’s his day off. Sunday, you know? Most people take Sundays off.”  
  
“Not me,” Jared replied, trying to sound upbeat. “I had some things out there I wanted to get done. And anyway I figured I could help you with some more of your physical therapy. You feeling up for it?”  
  
“Well,” Jensen said, picking up his crutches and using them to swing up to a standing position on his good leg with a grunt. “I already did my exercises. So I’m good for now.”  
  
Jared shoved his hands in his pockets, trying not to show the first bite of rejection he was feeling on his expression. “Oh. Okay. Do you feel like hanging out then…or should I just go?”  
  
Jensen shifted his balance a bit on his feet. His mouth was set in a grim line. “We should probably talk.”  
  
They were the worst four words Jared could have anticipated him saying. Fuck. Maybe he’d read way too much into that kiss after all. Suddenly he felt like such a starry-eyed moron, just assuming that Jensen felt the same way he did. His own mind began taunting him, playing a loop of all the plans he’d been making for the two of them when Jensen got more confident on his leg. Bringing him down to Sweet Earth to meet his family. Going for drinks at the local watering hole with Stephen and Mackenzie. Taking Harley for walks together in the sunshine. Now that he realized how wrong he’d been he could barely contain his embarrassment.  
  
“Listen, you don’t need to say anything,” Jared said, hoping to save a small measure of his dignity. “It’s okay. I get it.” It was too much. He’d pushed Jensen too far too fast out of his comfort zone and he’d screwed it up. It was totally inappropriate and insensitive of him to have sprung that on his friend after everything he’d shared about himself. What an idiot he’d been to think one kiss would make Jensen see him as anything more. He’d swooped in just when the guy was at his most vulnerable and put pressure on his already thin sense of trust. Of course Jensen didn’t want him. And why should he, considering how Jared had handled things?  
  
“Jared, wait.”  
  
“I’m gonna take off,” Jared said, polite but firm. He started backing towards the door, eager to get out of there. “Um, the landscaping work is pretty much finished so you’ll have the place to yourself again. I’ll just be by tomorrow to settle things up with Mackenzie. Then that's it, I guess.”  
  
He turned around and hurriedly left the way he came in before he said or did anything else to embarrass himself. He didn’t even bother turning around when he heard Jensen call his name.

The next afternoon when Jared showed up at the Ackles house he got out of his truck and went right to the front door. It was strange and oddly formal after getting so used to letting himself in the all the time through Jensen’s patio. It had struck him after he’d left the day before that the job was all but finished and he wouldn’t have an excuse to come around again.  Not now since he’d screwed things up with Jensen.  
  
He'd been up all night trying to retrace the events of the last couple of weeks and figure out where he'd gone wrong.  He'd been so sure that there was some connection between them.  Some intangible chemistry that was more intense than he'd felt with anyone before.  He had been certain that Jensen had felt it too but apparently he was wrong.  Now he just hoped that maybe they could go back to being friends someday.  He really did care about Jensen even if he couldn’t be with him the way he wanted to be. He’d miss getting to know Mackenzie better too. He just hoped that for her sake her date with Stephen had gone a lot better than his evening with Jensen had.  
  
Jared rang the doorbell and waited, flipping through the final paperwork in his hand. All he needed from Mackenzie now was the last check she owed him and then he could be on his way. He didn’t think he could handle seeing Jensen again at the moment.  Maybe if they gave each other some space for a while things could go back to the way they were before.  
  
But when the door opened it wasn’t Mackenzie at all who was waiting for him on the other side. It was a man - a decidedly _attractive_ man - with short dark hair and startlingly blue eyes. He was barefoot, wearing sleek black workout pants and a tight-fitting Under Armor shirt that showed off his trim runner’s body. “Hi. Can I help you?” he said.  
  
Jared was knocked off his stride for moment. He’d never seen the guy around there before. “Um, hi. I’m looking for Mackenzie. Is she around?”  
  
“Mackenzie, no,” the man said. “She was starting her classes today I think. Hold on a sec, let me check.”  He turned around and wandered back through the house. “Hey, Jensen?” he called out. “Your sister is down in Santa Barbara for the day right? Your gardener is here looking for her.”  
  
 _Gardener?_ , Jared thought to himself. He hadn’t gotten through the trouble of getting a horticulture degree to be dismissed like he was some weekend amateur. Besides that, he had a lot more invested in Jensen than a simple employer-employee relationship. Who did this guy think he was anyway? He seemed awfully at home in the Ackles house. Why hadn’t they met before? An irrationally jealous thought took root in Jared’s mind.  Was this mystery guy the reason that Jensen had rejected him?  
  
There was music playing, something with a rock edge that Jared didn’t recognize.  It wasn’t anything he’d heard Jensen or Mackenzie playing before. Over the grind of the lead guitar he could barely make out the sound of Jensen’s voice. “Bring him on back here, would ya?”  
  
Jensen’s friend waved for him to follow, as if Jared needed his _permission_ or something.  He trailed after the guy into Jensen’s den, curiosity and a steadily growing feeling of resentment now winning out over his earlier anxiety. He wanted to see Jensen’s reaction for himself with the both of them there. Then he’d know for sure what was really going on with his new guest.  
  
When they walked in, Jensen was up on his crutches and testing his balance on his prosthetic. He was dressed in a soft grey t-shirt and baggy white basketball shorts. He looked up as Jared walked in, his eyes finding Jared’s right away. “Hey,” he said. Somehow he managed to make that one simple syllable seem so much weightier than it was.  
  
“Hey,” Jared replied, suddenly not sure of where to begin now that they were face to face.  
  
Jensen’s friend looked from one of them to the other. “Okay. Well that explains things. Jensen, I think we’re done here. I’m going to go. See you tomorrow.”  
  
Jensen shot him a confused glance like he’d just remembered that the guy was there. “Oh, okay. Yeah. Thanks Misha.”  
  
 _Misha?_ Jared looked at him now with new eyes. He’d never actually met Jensen’s trainer because he’d been busy working whenever he came by and he hadn’t wanted to interrupt their sessions. Now he felt like a total ass for jumping to conclusions about him the way he had.  
  
“Nice to finally meet you, Jared. It is Jared, isn’t it?” Misha said, plucking the iPod out of the Jensen’s stereo dock and putting an abrupt halt to the music. He tucked it into a messenger bag that was lying on the floor and slung it’s strap over his shoulder. “I’ve been wondering for a while now what it was that finally lit a fire under Jensen’s ass. Now I get it.”  
  
Jared didn’t really know what to say to that.  He wasn’t sure he could take credit for having that much of an effect on Jensen but it was somewhat gratifying to hear anyway. “Thanks, man.”  
  
Jensen grumbled something under his breath in Misha’s general direction that was more profanity than actual words.  
  
Misha grinned. “He’s all yours.” With that he walked out, leaving him alone with Jensen.  
  
Jared glanced hesitantly over at him. “So that’s Misha?”  
  
“The man, the myth, the legend,” Jensen said dryly.  
  
“I didn’t know who he was when he opened the door. I thought-“ Jared cut himself off abruptly, realizing how ridiculous it was that he’d ever thought that Misha was someone Jensen might be seeing.  
  
“Thought what?” Jensen asked.  
  
“It’s stupid,” Jared confessed. “Somehow I thought that maybe, you know, that you and he…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence he was so ashamed of himself.  
  
Jensen looked at him like he was insane. “Jared, no. No way. There’s absolutely nothing going on with me and Misha or anyone else. How could you even think that?”  
  
Jared believed him but then again that didn’t actually make anything about their situation better. Just because Jensen didn’t have someone else didn’t mean that Jared had a shot with him. “I was wrong, okay?” he said. “I thought maybe he was the reason you turned me down.” He dropped the paperwork he was still carrying on the side table next to the stereo. “This is for Mackenzie when she gets in. Tell her she can stop by the garden center anytime to drop off the check. I know Megan would love to see her.  If either of you want to reach me my number is at the top.”  
  
Jensen reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him before he could leave. One of his crutches clattered to the floor in the process. “Hold on, dammit!  Will you give me a chance to explain here?”  
  
“You don’t need to explain anything to me,” Jared said. He leaned down and picked up the crutch, handing it back to him. “It’s okay, really. And I meant what I said when I told you that I wanted us to keep on being friends.”  
  
“Jared, will you stop putting words in my mouth for two seconds?” Jensen barked out. “I’m not saying no!”  
  
Jared felt his heart flip over in his chest. “You’re not?”  
  
“No!” Jensen snatched the crutch from him and stuck it back under his arm where it belonged. “I’m saying I don’t know.” He sighed. “I just think you might be making a big mistake.”  
  
“A mistake?” Now Jared was thoroughly confused. “What mistake?”  
  
Jensen gestured to his metal leg with disgust. “You want me to spell it out for you? _Me!_ ” he shouted. The pain of that admission was evident in the jagged edges of his voice. “Jared, I’m broken! Didn’t you get anything from what I told you? I’m a fucking mess! Damaged goods. You could have anyone you wanted, okay? You shouldn’t be with someone like me. So just do us both a favor and forget the whole thing.”  
  
Anger and indignation suddenly simmered up hot in Jared’s blood. How could Jensen think that about himself? He was an idiot if he really thought that he wasn’t good enough for him. Jared wasn’t going to let him convince himself that he didn’t deserve what could be the greatest thing that had ever happened to either one of them.  
  
“For starters,” he ground out through his teeth, “I’m a grown-ass man and I can make my own decisions. I’ve decided that I want you. If you don’t want me then that’s another story but the way you kissed me back the other night had me thinking that wasn’t the case.  Was I right?”  
  
Jensen glared at him for a long moment before he spoke. “Fine!” he blurted out at last. “Yes, okay? Are you happy now?”  
  
“Okay.” Jared felt the tables starting to turn in his favor. He wasn’t about to let Jensen scare him off now. “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I want to make something else really clear. I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that.” Just thinking about the self-hatred behind Jensen’s words drove a knife into Jared’s heart. “Don’t think it.  Don’t say it.  Because it’s not true. I would never let anyone say that about someone I care about.  Especially not you.”  
  
Jensen looked away, dropping his eyes to the floor in shame. The muscle of his jaw flexed tense and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. He looked like he was struggling to keep himself together. “What do you want me to do? I’m trying not to be selfish about this. For once, I want to do the right thing.”  
  
“This is the right thing.” Jared stepped closer and put his hands on Jensen’s waist. He ducked his head to the side, waiting until Jensen was forced to look him in the eyes. “You can’t tell me that this doesn’t feel right.” He’d never been more sure of anything in his life.  "I don't know about you, but I've never felt like this before about anyone.  I can't stop thinking about you.  We've got something here, Jensen.  Don't you want to at least give it a chance?"  
  
Jensen lifted his head, meeting Jared’s gaze straight on. “Honestly, I can’t trust my own judgment. Not with the mistakes that I’ve made.”  
  
“Then trust me.” Jared captured his mouth in a soft kiss, hoping his actions could convince him if not his words alone. “Do you trust me?”  
  
Jensen closed his eyes, letting his body sway forward naturally until he was pressed lightly into Jared’s as if drawn in by a magnet. “Yeah. I trust you.”  
  
Jared felt such a surge of triumph and unbridled happiness that he had to contain himself from pumping his fist in the air.  It wasn't a resounding yes but it was a start, more than enough for him to work with.  Jensen would see.  He just needed to have a little more faith in himself and in them.  It might take some time and some effort to convince him but Jared was nothing if not determined.  He couldn't have been more pleased if he had just won the California State Lottery.  Instead he showed Jensen just how happy he’d made him by kissing him until they were both lightheaded and unsteady on their feet.  When they broke for air, Jared traced the point of his nose along Jensen’s cheek, just breathing him in. “So now what?”  
  
Jensen ran his tongue over his kiss-swollen bottom lip. “Well, since I got my exercises out of the way already I guess I really don’t have any other plans at the moment. How about you?”  
  
Jared ran his hand up Jensen’s side, feeling the muscles under his palms shiver under the light touch. “Nothing really. Maybe a little making out on the couch. See where it goes from there. Not so much fun alone though. It’s really a team sport.”  
  
Jensen laughed, a sexy rumble deep in his chest. “I’m not as athletic nowadays as I used to be but I think I can manage that.”  
  
“Awesome,” Jared said, nipping at his lips lightly. “Cause I’m holding tryouts, you know.” He softened the nip with a kiss. “Right about now actually. Does that work for you?”  
  
Jensen hummed thoughtfully. “Do I need a cup?”  
  
Jared threw his head back and laughed. He felt like the luckiest damn guy in the world.


	6. Chapter 6

 

They spent the rest of the day together, lazing around Jensen’s den in front of the TV even though they were barely paying attention to anything but each other. While Jensen was busy ordering them a couple of pizzas, Jared had called into the garden center and explained to Stephen that he was taking an afternoon off to spend with Jensen.  Thankfully for once, Stephen didn’t have any trouble reading between the lines.  
  
They ate pizza, watching a few movies, and made out on and off.  Sometimes they were both just content to sit leaning into each other while Jared rambled on about the finicky nature of his hybrid tea roses and idly rubbed Jensen’s back or his shoulders.  Jensen had seemed a little unsure of himself at first, flinching a bit or squirming uncomfortably when Jared touched him. From the way he acted, he was stilling battling with a lot of negativity about his body.  
  
Jared was sitting with Jensen's head pillowed in his lap, running his fingers through the short dark blond strands when out of the blue Jensen sighed and said, "I kinda wish you had met me before."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know.  I just feel like you kinda ended up with the low-budget version of me.  Not that I'm trying to look a gift horse in the mouth here," Jensen added.  "I'm just saying that once upon a time I would have come off a lot more impressive than I am now."  
  
Jared wanted to tell him he was being an idiot but he knew that wouldn't get to the root of the problem.  If they were going to give this thing between them a real shot it was better to start cutting away at all the rotten thoughts and feelings that Jensen had about himself one by one until they were all cleared away.  
  
"What makes you say that?" he asked, hoping to prompt Jensen into sharing a little more.  
  
"Things would have been different is all," Jensen said with a slight shrug.  He sat up and draped his arm on the back of the couch behind Jared's head.  A wistful little smile spread across his face.  "Let's say we met two years ago.  I would have hit on you right away.  I would have found the hardest to get reservation in town and I would have wined you and dined you.  Then I would have taken you out and gotten us a cozy little VIP booth somewhere."  He scooted a little closer to Jared and twined his fingers around a lock of Jared's hair.  "Someplace dark and loud where no one would bother us.  Later I'd take you back to my place and we could after party in my hot tub."  Then his expression changed, the light in his eyes dimming a bit and his smile fading away.  "I wish I could give you all that stuff now but...that's not my life anymore."  
  
Jared's heart ached to hear how _apologetic_ he sounded about that.  "Jensen, I don't care about any of that," he said.  "Honestly, none of it sounds like my idea of a good time."  
  
Jensen cocked his head to the side.  "It doesn't?"  
  
"No."  Jared put his hands on the back on Jensen's neck and pulled him in for a light kiss.  "You don't need to _impress_ me.  I like you just the way you are, without all that."  
  
Jensen held on to Jared's forearms, rubbing the skin lightly with his thumbs.  He wasn't pulling away but for some reason he was avoiding Jared's eyes.  He did not look reassured.  "That's not all," he confessed.  "I keep thinking about how you said you saw all my old ad campaigns and stuff online back when I was modeling."  He frowned, a little line of worry appearing between his eyebrows.  "I don't exactly look like that anymore."  
  
"Jensen, don't."  Jared knew that it was a sensitive subject for him and the fact that Jensen felt comfortable enough to admit how he felt about it was a huge step.  But Jared just couldn't bear to hear him tear himself down.  "I don't want that guy.  Yeah he was nice to look at but from what you've told me about him he was kind of asshole.  I'm glad I didn't meet you then.  If I had I might never have gotten to know the person you are now.  Then I really would have missed out."  
  
Jensen glanced up at him, skepticism and hope warring with one another in his expression. "Really?"  
  
"Yes, really."  The only thing that Jared could think to do was to show him how wrong he was for doubting himself.  He kissed Jensen long and deep, teasing out all the darkly sweet flavors of Jensen with his tongue.  He didn’t let up for a moment, running his hand in lazy figure eights over Jensen’s chest, trailing his fingertips over an exposed stretch of Jensen’s stomach, and rubbing the top of Jensen’s thigh.  In between kisses Jared told him exactly how sexy he thought he was.  How he thought about him whenever he touched himself, imaging it was Jensen's hands on his body instead of his own.  The more Jared kissed him and the more he caressed, the more Jensen seemed to get comfortable with being touched until eventually all the tension left his body.  Jared was completely captivated by him.  It was like watching Jensen's self-confidence start to bloom right before his eyes.  It was amazing be this close to him and finally be able to do all the things he’d been dreaming about.  
  
When Jensen finally started to feel emboldened enough to touch him back, Jared made a point of encouraging him on. He all but purred when Jensen ran his fingers through his hair and he made pleased little noises in his throat when he grazed a particular sensitive spot on his flank. Then when they were lying spooned up next to each other on the couch, as best as two men their size could manage, Jensen’s hands rubbed low along the small of his back. Jared arched into it like a great big cat, jutting his ass out shamelessly. “Mmm nice,” he drawled out, lulled into a blissful, almost drowsy state.  
  
Jensen’s hands slid lower, getting a little bolder as they rubbed the top of his ass. “Like that?”  
  
“Mmm-hmm,” Jared hummed. He wasn’t really expecting it to go anywhere but he didn’t want Jensen to stop touching him either.  
  
Jensen gave his butt a playful squeeze. “I’m an ass man in case you haven’t noticed. And yours is pretty fucking spectacular, Jay. Been meaning to tell you that.”  
  
Jared grinned like the cat that caught the canary as Jensen kept massaging his cheeks. He liked the affectionate sound that the little nickname carried with it. “All yours,” he sighed.  
  
That seemed to spark something in Jensen because all of a sudden he leaned over Jared and was devouring his mouth like he owned it. The quiet hum of desire that had been buzzing between them on and off for hours surged to a whole new level.  
  
Bewildered by the sudden shift, Jared’s head spun as he tried to keep up. He wanted Jensen. _Holy fuck_ , he wanted him. But he didn’t want them to rush into anything that they weren’t ready for.  He pushed away for a second, trying to gather his wits together enough to form words. Which was pretty freaking hard to do with the way Jensen was nibbling on his ear.  “Jensen, hold on. Maybe we should keep things slow for now.”  
  
Jensen licked around the shell of his ear, making his toes curl.  “Don’t want slow.  I’ve been sitting still for the last year and a half of my life.  Don’t make me wait now that I’ve got you.  Please, Jay.  Let me fuck you.”  
  
Jared was so turned on by the whiskey-rough tone in Jensen's voice when he talked like that that he shuddered in response.  He really couldn’t say no to that and to be honest he didn’t really want to either. He was more than happy to let Jensen do just about anything he wanted. “You sure?”  
  
“Bedroom,” Jensen said, his voice almost a growl and he nodded to towards a half-open doorway just off to the side of the den.  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“We need to take this to my bedroom. I don’t want Mackenzie walking in on us when she gets home.”  
  
Jared’s brain finally caught up to what Jensen was saying and he moved quickly to help him up onto his crutches. His dick wasn’t nearly as slow on the uptake however and was already starting to get hard. He’d been jerking off every night to the thought of what it would be like with Jensen and he could barely believe that now it was actually going to happen.  
  
They walked into the darkened room and Jared hadn’t really known what to expect but he was a little surprised to see how spartan it was. There was a big king-size bed that was neatly made, a dresser with another small flat screen TV mounted over it on the wall, and a nightstand with a lamp. No personal clutter or clothes left lying out. Not even a sock on the floor. There were only two things that gave away the fact that anyone lived in it. Jensen’s wheelchair parked next to the bed and a small framed picture of two grinning teenage boys with their arms over each other’s shoulders and a little blond-haired girl who’d wedged herself between them. Mackenzie, Jensen, and another boy who could only be Josh.  
  
“Wow, man. I don’t think my room has ever been this clean,” Jared commented.  
  
Jensen leaned his crutches against the wall in the space between the nightstand and the bed and took a seat on the edge of the mattress. “It makes it easier not to trip over stuff or knock stuff over this way,” he said with a shrug.  
  
“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense.” He didn’t know why but he was suddenly a little nervous now. He’d never been with anyone who had a physical disability before and he didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing.  
  
Jared watched patiently as Jensen removed his prosthetic, removing the metal leg from his limb like pulling off a tight-fitting boot and laying it across the arms of the wheelchair to rest. He pushed the chair a little farther out of the way but still within easy reach. “Okay,” he muttered under his breath. Then Jared saw him take a deep breath and with slightly shaky hands he slid the protective silicone covering off his leg.  
  
The limb underneath was slightly tapered and ended abruptly at a few inches shy of where his knee should be. The skin was a little pink and there were obvious scars where skin grafts and surgery had been done to repair the life-altering damage. It was the wreckage left behind of when a crushing 750lbs of motorcycle had used Jensen’s leg to cushion its fall. It was fully healed over now but it was obviously once the source of unimaginable pain. To Jared it didn’t look particularly scary or gross. It was evidence of Jensen’s miraculous survival.  
  
Jared looked up from the limb, realizing a little ashamedly that he’d been staring and noticed that Jensen had gone completely rigid. His hands were gripping the edge of the bed on either side of his lap, shoulders hunched up to his neck, and he had his head down with his eyes screwed shut. It was like he was trying to hide inside himself, braced for Jared’s reaction.  
  
Jared shoved his own nervousness aside and put his hand Jensen’s shoulder to calm him, massaging it lightly. “Jensen, relax. It’s not that bad.”  
  
Jensen opened his eyes, staring down with a slight grimace at his limb. “It’s disgusting.”  
  
“Don’t say that. It’s not.” Jared took a seat next to him on the bed, hugging an arm around Jensen’s shoulders. “I don’t think it is.” He tugged Jensen closer to him and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Believe me. It doesn’t bother me at all.”  
  
Jensen turned his head to look him in the eye. “It doesn’t?” he asked. In his voice there was disbelief and a fragile thread of hope.  
  
“Not a bit.”  
  
Suddenly Jensen was kissing him hard.  Lips mashed against lips against teeth. Jensen’s tongue plunged roughly into Jared’s mouth and his fingers dove into Jared’s hair to hold him there while he took what he wanted.  It was clumsy and desperate and filled with so much pent up need that Jared almost felt like he was going to drown under it but he didn’t care. He liked Jensen taking control like this, showing him the confidently sexy side of himself that he was just relearning he still had. Jared was all too happy to help him explore that part of himself again. By the time they both came up for air they were already panting hard.  
  
“I wanted this since I first saw you,” Jensen said, kissing his way up the line of Jared’s jaw. “Didn’t think it was even possible for you to want me.”  
  
Jared grabbed his hand and brought it to his crotch so that Jensen could tell how hard he was. “Feel that? Does that help convince you?”  
  
Jensen rubbed his hand over Jared’s erection through his jeans, forcing a groan out of him. “Yeah, I’m starting to get it now.”  
  
“Fuck yeah you are,” Jared said on a laugh, letting his head fall back as Jensen sucked a kiss to his neck and continued to stroke him. “God, that’s good.”  
  
“Like that? Tell me what you want, Jay. I wanna make you feel good.”  
  
Jared’s hips arched off the bed into Jensen’s hand at the deeply sexy rumble of Jensen’s voice saying exactly what his body wanted to hear. “Your mouth. Been dreaming about your mouth on me.”  
  
Jensen smiled against the base of his neck. “It’s been a while but I think I remember how to do that.” He stopped his hand and pulled away to let Jared up. “Come on. Stand up for me.”  
  
Jared didn’t hesitate. He got up and stood facing Jensen, opened his jeans, and let them fall to his ankles. Jensen grabbed his hips and pulled him a little closer so that his face was inches from Jared’s body. Then he dragged Jared’s boxer briefs down.  
  
“Christ, Jared,” he said.  He took Jared’s cock in his hand with an appreciative gleam in his eye. “Not going to be able to fit all this in my mouth.” That didn’t stop him from trying however. He slid as much of its length as he could into his mouth and sucked.  
  
“Oh, fuck,” Jared moaned. It was better than he imagined because it was real this time. Wet and warm and soft as his Jensen cradled him with his tongue. He stared down, transfixed by the sight of Jensen’s lips stretched around his girth. When his t-shirt got in the way of his view he shucked it off, watching as Jensen’s fist stroked the base of his shaft in time with the rhythm of his head as he bobbed up and down. Jared thought he’d died and gone to heaven.  
  
He was wrong. He found out what heaven was when Jensen paused for a second to coat his index finger with spit and then continued sucking him off as he reached between Jared’s legs to rub the slicked up tip of it against his pucker.  
  
“Oh god yes,” he said, widening his stance a bit to let Jensen do what he wanted. “Keep doing that.”  
  
Jensen didn’t need any encouragement. He sucked Jared like he was trying to prove something, massaging Jared’s hole until he could slip his finger in to the knuckle.  
  
Jared gasped and clutched at Jensen’s hair. “Gonna make me come.”  
  
Jensen’s response was to hum in pleasure around his cock. Slowly, he started fucking his finger in and out of Jared’s hole, rubbing the soft inner flesh in search of his prostate. When he found it he made Jared see stars.  
  
Jared came before he could stop himself. He shot his load into Jensen’s mouth, fingernails digging into the tops of Jensen’s shoulders, and his mouth hanging open in a silent shout. Jensen didn’t seem to mind though. He swallowed everything that Jared gave him, sucking it out of him greedily.  When it was over, Jared stumbled a few steps backward trying to catch his breath. “Fuck, Jensen. That was amazing. I don’t think I have any brain cells left.”  
  
Jensen smiled roguishly, wiping some stray spit from his chin. “Like riding a bike.” He pulled his t-shirt up over his head and tossed it away. His skin was pale and lightly freckled underneath. Jared noticed that despite what he seemed to think about himself, Jensen didn’t look all that different from the photos of him as a model. A little less bulk to his muscle tone perhaps. A little softer in places. But overall he was solid and smooth and utterly gorgeous. Jensen made a move like he was going to go for the waistband of his pants next but then he paused. “Jared?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
Jensen smirked at him and raised one eyebrow in a sarcastic little expression. “Gonna be hard for me to fuck you if you’re standing all the way over there. I’m only human.” A thin line of worry appeared between his eyebrows. “Unless you’re not into it. You’re not having second thoughts are you?”  
  
“No!” Jared said quickly. “Are you kidding me? Not at all.” He hadn’t expected things to go so far but he definitely wanted it. Most importantly he wanted Jensen to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wanted it. Jared shook himself out of his stupor and hurriedly stepped out of the puddle of clothes at his feet, yanking his workboots off last. “Believe me, I’m really fucking into it.”  
  
Jensen’s worry seemed sufficiently put to ease by that. He leaned back on one hand as he pushed his shorts down, lifting himself up a little to slide the waistband under the curve of his ass before sliding them off completely in a well-practiced move.  
  
Jared knew he was staring but he just couldn’t help himself. “Jensen, I know you have a hard time believing it sometimes but you’re goddamn beautiful.”  
  
The honest compliment seemed to throw Jensen off for a moment. His ears turned bright pink and his expression shifted from one half-formed emotion to the next. Finally he cleared his throat and waved Jared over to him. “C’mere, already will ya? I’m hard enough to cut diamonds.”  
  
He opened the drawer to the nightstand and took out a tube of lube and a condom as Jared joined him on the bed. Jensen lay down on his good side and wordlessly guided Jared onto his side as well with gentle touches and encouraging kisses. They were on the same level like this and Jared felt the difference in the way Jensen moved with him, much more secure in the capabilities of his body when he was lying down than he was upright.  
  
Jensen spooned himself up against Jared’s back and quickly coated two of his fingers with lube. Then he reached down and slid them into the cleft of Jared’s ass.  
  
Jared sighed in pleasure and drew his thigh up, grabbing his asscheek and holding himself open shamelessly to Jensen’s touch.  
  
“That’s it, Jay,” Jensen said, kissing the nape of Jared’s neck. “Let me in.” He worked Jared’s hole with his fingers, corkscrewing them in and out with the twist of his wrist.  
  
Jared moaned at the feel of Jensen’s fingers moving inside him, gently stretching him open. He could feel his cock slowly start to fill again as the fire in his belly was stoked back to life, heating his blood and making his body feel like it was going to melt away. He pushed back onto Jensen’s fingers, trying to take them deeper.  
  
Jensen must have took that as a signal because he dripped some more lube to his fingers and added another. “Feel so good on my fingers, Jay. Can’t wait to feel you on my cock.”  
  
Jared groaned and writhed back against Jensen’s chest as felt his fingers filling him up even more. They rubbed again and again against his prostate, sending little licks of electricity coursing right to his dick which was soon fully erect and leaking. He bucked his hips, fucking himself on them. He wanted Jensen inside him so bad that he was almost frantic with it. “Jensen, please. Come on. Fuck me.”  
  
“Want you to ride me,” Jensen told him, his voice throaty with lust. “Ride me like you’re riding my hand right now. I want to see your face when I make you lose it again. So pretty when you come.”  
  
Every part of Jared’s body was screaming yes. As soon as Jensen removed his fingers he rolled on top of Jensen and attacked his mouth. He poured all his lust into the kiss, telling Jensen without words how crazy with need he had made him.  
  
“Condom,” Jensen murmured against his lips. “I had a condom somewhere. Just let me get it on or else I’m going to explode before I get it all the way in.”  
  
“Good idea. Here, let me.” Jared grabbed the it from where it had landed on the bed and ripped it open, rolling it onto Jensen’s cock which was so hard it was practically throbbing.  
  
Jensen let out a groan through his teeth as Jared slicked lube over his erection. “Good enough. Come on, hurry.”  
  
Jared straddled his hips and reached behind himself push the head of Jensen’s cock into the lube slicked ring of his hole. They moaned in tandem as Jared’s body adjusted to the stretch. Jensen might have been impressed with Jared’s length but he wasn’t lacking much himself in that department. He didn’t quite have the length that Jared’s dick had but he was wider and Jared couldn’t wait a second longer before he had it filling him up. He sank himself down on Jensen’s shaft until it was sheathed inside him to the hilt.  
  
Jensen’s body underneath him was one long hard line of tense muscle and heated flesh. His face was flushed pink with the effort of holding back his orgasm. “Oh god. Your ass feels so fucking good. Haven’t had anything so good in way too long. Come on, Jay. Ride me.”  
  
Jared started rocking his body up and down, slowly at first for fear of putting too much pressure on Jensen’s thighs. He felt so full, so amazingly good to have Jensen’s body underneath him.  
  
Jensen reached up and ran his hand over Jared’s chest, thumb pressing against his nipple. When Jared threw his head back and arched into it he grew bolder, rolling the tiny nub between his fingertips. “Like that, huh?” He gave the same treatment to the other until he had both of Jared’s nipples hard and sensitive. “Let go, Jared. You won’t hurt me.”  
  
Jared responded by moving faster, riding him harder. With his back arched the way it was he could feel Jensen’s cock gliding over his prostate and his inner walls tightened around it. The position was too good. He was going to come again and soon. “Yes! Yes! Oh fuck. Right there.”  
  
Jensen grabbed Jared’s cock and starting jerking him off in short fast tugs. “Come on, Jay. Come for me. I’m right there with you.”  
  
The added stimulation was just too much. Jared came, spurting thick ropes of come over Jensen’s fist and across his stomach. The noise he made was inhuman as stars bloomed behind the tight shutter of his eyelids and his body locked up with a trembling force.  
  
Jensen shouted wordlessly, his eyes screwed up tight, and his hips writhing up as he came immediately after. His fingers dug into the meat of Jared’s ass, holding onto him for dear life as his orgasm rushed through him.  
  
Jared rolled off of him, collapsing next to him on the bed in a sweaty loose-limbed sprawl. “Holy shit,” he breathed out. He was completely fucked out and dopey inside his own personal orgasmic haze. After a few moments of letting himself just hover on that high he decided he ought to check in with Jensen. “Are you okay?” he asked.  
  
Jensen’s chest rose and fell with each lungful of air, obviously in a similar state of bliss. “Okay doesn’t really cover it,” he said, his words a little mumbled like his tongue was too big for his mouth. “That was better than any morphine drip ever. Man, I really missed sex. Sex is awesome. When can we do it again?”  
  
Jared laughed so hard he felt tears come to his eyes. “I’m going to need a minute first. Maybe a couple of hours of sleep and a protein bar.” He rolled onto his side and curled himself into Jensen, pressing a kiss to the bolt of his jaw. “But yeah, let’s do a lot more of that. As much as you want.”  
  
Jensen patted the top of Jared’s head weakly. “Excellent answer. Sleep now, sex later. Good plan.” He promptly fell asleep with Jared still wrapped around him like he was a giant teddy bear.  
  
Jared nuzzled his face into the crook of Jensen’s neck, smiling in bemusement to himself at how fast and how hard he’d fallen for this crazy messed up man.

Hours later when Jared woke up, Jensen was still asleep. In the dark of the room he squinted at his watch and realized it was already almost morning. He was about to go back to sleep when he got an idea.

“Jensen,” he whispered, nudging his shoulder. “Wake up. I want to show you something.”

Jensen groaned and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow.

“Jensen.”

“Hmm? What?”

“Come on,” Jared said. He got out of bed and pulled his underwear on, not bothering with his pants since no one else was around. “Wake up or you’re going to miss it.”

With a heavy sigh, Jensen rolled back over and sat up. His face had marks left on it from his pillow and his hair was an adorable matted spiky mess. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm and pouted out his lip. “I hate you so much right now.”

Yeah, Jared was definitely in love. He kissed the top of Jensen’s head and handed him shorts. “You’re going to need these.” He waited impatiently for Jensen to put them on and then handed him his crutches. “Follow me.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow at him but he got up and was right behind him on his crutches as Jared led him out into the den and threw the patio doors open wide.

The sky was still a deep cerulean blue except for a lighter patch near the horizon line where the sun was starting to rise in a halo of orange and yellow. As its light started to grow brighter and brighter with each passing second, the yard outside started to come alive with its own color. Bright orange poppies, pink hyacinth, butter yellow tulips, purple lupine, and soft Desert sage. That’s the moment that Jared wanted Jensen to see.

He walked out on the patio, hugging his arms around his body against the chill morning air. “Look,” he said. “It’s all finished. What do you think?”

Jensen moved to stand next to him, looking around at what Jared had created. He took in the riotous hues of the flower beds, the beautiful pond with its flagstone border, and the lush green grass still wet with dew. Then he looked up at Jared and smiled. “Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I couldn’t have asked for more.”

Jared couldn’t speak so he just leaned over and kissed him. He understood that Jensen was talking about a lot more than the garden.

He knew that the road ahead of them wasn't always going to be so pretty.  Jensen's confidence in himself and in their budding relationship was going to need a lot of nurturing, probably for quite some time to come.  There might be setbacks and they might lose their patience with one another but Jared wasn't afraid of a challenge.  He remembered something his dad once told him a long time ago.  Thinking about it now gave him faith that he and Jensen would be able to survive whatever obstacle they faced.  Gerry had been talking about gardening at the time but Jared realized later he'd been talking about life too.

_Sometimes the vine that struggles the hardest is the one that bears the sweetest fruit._

~The End~

 

 


End file.
